This just in from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
McCain Vows to Campaign in All Thirteen Colonies
Kicks Off Contest in Dominion of VirginiaRepublican presidential nominee John McCain officially kicked off his general election campaign today, promising to bring his race for the White House to “all thirteen colonies.”
At a campaign stop in the Dominion of Virginia, Sen. McCain said that if his Democratic opponent, Sen. Barack Obama, takes any of the thirteen colonies for granted, “he doth so at his peril.”
Sen. McCain made his remarks in the Dominion of Virginia, which many McCain advisers concede will be a key colony in the fall election.
But in announcing his 13-colony strategy, Sen. McCain appeared to give notice that he intends to contest such traditional Democratic strongholds as the Province of Massachusetts Bay.
Read the whole thing.
You can read more of Borowitz’s reports here.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.