Put away your pencils and calculators. Lock up the accountants and economists in a closet. The solution to the auto industry’s woes has been found and it comes to us courtesy of John Cole. (Hat tip to James Joyner for pointing the way and providing additional snark.) We have been repeatedly reminded – generally by Republican congressmen – that Iraq is shaping up quite nicely, with civilian death rates falling below those of many American cities such as Detroit. Motor City also has a lot of Muslims and problems in the area are mounting. By now I think you all know what we need to do.
We need to invade Michigan and rebuild the state from the ground up. We will be greeted as liberators, we have clear supply lines, and we can easily rebuild the auto industry with the kind of money we spend on other countries we invade. Hell, our new Secretary of State, Hillary of Clinton, spent the better part of the past year fighting for the rights of average folks from Michigan, so think of the good will we have with the public. This is very doable. Just tell Congress we will give KBR no-bid contracts to fix Detroit.
And citizens of Baltimore, Atlanta, St. Louis, and DC- you better get your shit together or you are next.
It’s also worth noting that, once the Michigan National Guard has been defeated and a new transitional government put in place, (how long should that take? Two weeks tops?) we will have our forces ideally situated to move on to Illinois. Given the current polling numbers, removing Rod Blagojevich from power and sending him into hiding in some spider hole in the Southern portion of the state should prove immensely popular and the residents will spread flowers in the streets before our troops.
Call Congress today and spur them to action!