Spanky (Cartoon and Column)
I may have mentioned this issue on my last blog. Do you recall anything about “spanking?” Just in case I didn’t, let’s touch on it again. Ew, wrong choice of words.
You may have heard the accusation that Trump had an affair with a porn star named Stormy Daniels after he married Melania and his fifth child, Barron, was only four months old in 2006. Along with this accusation is the charge that Trump paid Ms. Stormy not to talk about it.
But, there was a time when Stormy really wanted to talk about it. Days before the election, she was shopping her story around. She talked to a few reporters and gave an interview to In Touch Weekly. But, she never went on the record with the legitimate press and the only one to get a story was the gossip tabloid. Fox News got a story about a Trump affair, but they chose not to run it. How bad is it that InTouch Weekly has more journalistic credibility than Fox News?
InTouch sat on the story after being threatened by Trump’s lawyers. They finally ran the interview after The Wall Street Journal reported on the affair and payment. Trump’s lawyer has denied there was an affair but not the payment. Stormy has denied the affair which is what hush money is supposed to do, shut people up.
As it turns out, an LLC was set up in Delaware, because that state doesn’t require heads of companies to be identified, and a payment from a pseudonym for Trump’s lawyer went to a pseudonym for Stormy. Ooh-la-la. The amount was for $130,000 which is a huge discount when you claim you’re worth billions.
This payment may be illegal, and guess who’s looking into it? Yup. Special Counsel Robert Mueller. This may be an illegal campaign donation or money laundering. Also, if Trump can be blackmailed by a porn star then what can Putin do to him?
Robert Mueller is not going to debase himself by exploring all the kinky, sick, disgusting sex stuff that allegedly makes Donald Trump tick. But I will.
If the cartoon hasn’t made you vomit yet, these details just may do the trick. Another porn star and a friend of Stormy’s told a story that she claims Stormy told her. She said an image of Donald Trump chasing Stormy while he was wearing tighty-whities is an image she’ll never forget. Me either! Stormy told In Touch, “I can describe his junk perfectly.” Thankfully, she did not do that.
Other details are that Trump told Stormy that she reminded him of his daughter. I wondered on social media how that conversation went: You remind me of my daughter…let’s have sex?
Now, do you feel a little something coming back on you? Just wait. It’s worse. Much worse. It’s so bad, that I would feel the need to apologize if I wasn’t loving this so much.
According to reports from people who like to report disgusting stuff, Stormy gave Trump a spanking. Ew, right? Yeah…it still gets worse. She spanked him with a copy of Forbes Magazine. So what? A copy of Forbes Magazine with his children, Ivanka (who the porn star reminded Trump of) and Donald Jr. I don’t know why Eric didn’t make the spanking edition.
In the interview, Stormy said Trump showed her a copy of a “money” magazine (she can’t remember the name) which featured him on the cover, and he talked non-stop about it. A political consultant she talked to later said she told the story of spanking Trump with a copy of Forbes. Trump was on the cover of Forbes in 2006.
Other details include: He promised her an appearance on The Apprentice, a free condo in Tampa, and he hates sharks. He hates sharks so much that he will not donate to a shark charity, and he hopes they all die. He hates sharks more than stairs and vegetables.
I’m going to stop here because I want to eat something later. Are you grossed out? Disgusted? Sickened? Reaching for eye bleach? My job is done.
Email Clay Jones at [email protected]