AIG is suing the government for $306 million in tax refunds. But since the government owns 80 percent of AIG, the company is in essence suing itself. At first this struck me as being not so much a piece of financial news as a plot line for “The Twilight Zone.” But the more I thought about it, the more appealing was the idea of suing thyself…

The Joys Of Suing Thyself

I’m suing myself, I know that sounds crazy
But since I can’t lose, the outcome ain’t hazy
The guy I am suing will certainly fall
He’s got lots of secrets and I know them all
I’ll know what he’s planning, I’ll know his defense
With knowledge like this, a suit makes great sense.

My opponent is coy, but I’m even coyer
I even convinced him to share my own lawyer
And after I win this court battle sweet
With his and my assets, I will be replete
The courtroom’s the place to settle this score
Procure with the law a victory sure.