THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Cheney, Briefly Assuming Bush’s Duties, Says He Enjoyed The Downtime
President’s Colon Procedure Offered Welcome Break From Grueling Vice-Presidential Schedule
Vice-President Dick Cheney, having briefly assumed President Bush’s duties while the President underwent a routine colon procedure on Saturday, told reporters today that he “enjoyed the downtime immensely.â€
The two hours and fifteen minutes spent doing Bush’s job were “incredibly relaxing,†Mr. Cheney said, adding that they were a welcome relief from his exacting Vice-Presidential schedule.
Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment to the Constitution Saturday morning, Mr. Bush transferred to Mr. Cheney all of his presidential responsibilities, which meant that Mr. Cheney spent Saturday jogging, going to the gym, and hitting a ball for Mr. Bush’s dog to retrieve.
In addition, Mr. Cheney called the nations of East Timor and Luxembourg “evil,†stumbling briefly over the pronunciation of Luxembourg.
Finally, as Mr. Bush’s colon procedure was winding down, Mr. Cheney made some remarks about the Japanese economy, mistakenly using the word “devaluation†instead of “deflation,†sending the NIKKEI stock market into a tailspin.
All in all, Mr. Cheney said he emerged from his brief tenure as President rested and refreshed, ready to plunge back into his demanding Vice-Presidential workload.
As for the President, Mr. Bush’s doctors pronounced his procedure a success, but said that they were having difficulty determining whether or not the President’s anesthesia had fully worn off.
There’s more so read the whole thing.
You can get and read Andy Borowitz’s other investigative reports here.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.