Florida Governor Ron “Puddin’ Fingers” DeSantis signed into law last Thursday a ban on abortions after six weeks. Several women attended the signing but we haven’t heard yet whether they were barefoot or not.

A lot of women, maybe most, are not aware they are pregnant until after six weeks. Florida Republicans are not using science with this legislation as much as they’re using dogma from their fundamentalist religion.

Currently, there’s a 15-week ban that’s being challenged in Florida’s Supreme Court. Republicans couldn’t wait to end that one before passing a six-week ban because they hate being out-gooned by other red states like Texas and Alabama. Every judge currently on the Florida Supreme Court was appointed by a Republican governor, four of the six by DeSantis (there is a vacancy so it’ll soon be five by DeSantis). Yikes. This is some Tallahassee Taliban shit, people.

As soon as the state Supreme Court affirms the 15-week ban, it’ll be overridden by the six-week ban. This court has all the legitimacy of the newly created board seated entirely of DeSantis goons that are set to oversee Disney’s special district.

If this becomes law, which it will, it’ll deny abortion access to over four million women in Florida. It’ll also affect women in surrounding states that already have abortion bans. Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi have each banned abortion at any stage. Georgia has banned abortion after six weeks. The closest state for Florida women to receive an abortion after six weeks is South Carolina, but not for a lack of trying. South Carolina Republicans tried to enact a six-week ban, but the state Supreme Court narrowly voted that abortion is protected by the state constitution. But Republicans are scrambling an even called a special session of the state legislature to try again to ban abortions after six weeks. Florida’s ruling may push them further out of fears of becoming an “abortion haven,” as one fundamentalist lawmaker put it.

But if you were afraid Florida was actually going to make itself “pro-life,” don’t worry. It’s not. Murderering is their favorite. The Florida Republican super-majority legislature passed a bill last week that Bootsie DeSantis is expected to sign that will allow juries to recommend the death penalty in capital cases on an 8-4 vote instead of unanimous votes (In case you’re a Republican, “unanimous” means everybody). In order to kill someone, an eye for an eye, Florida will no longer require that everyone vote yes…just most of them. What fun is there in being governor if you can’t kill people?

Boots has also suggested building a state prison next to Disneyland which could be the new home for death row. That should be great for tourism. Good job, Meatball. Award yourself with some pudding.

As for Mickey and Minnie, they may soon be doing some out-of-state tourism of their own.

Visit Clay Jones’ website and email him at [email protected].