THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Gonzales to Spend More Time Eavesdropping on His Family
‘Domestic Surveillance Begins at Home,’ Former A.G. SaysAttorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned today, effective immediately, telling reporters that he wanted to spend more time eavesdropping on his family.
Mr. Gonzales, a champion of domestic surveillance and warrantless wiretaps while in office, said he was “totally stoked†about turning his prying eyes on his own family.
“Domestic surveillance begins at home,†Mr. Gonzales said at a White House press conference. “That means nobody in my family is above suspicion, not even the little ones,†an apparent reference to Mr. Gonzales’ children.
Standing by Mr. Gonzales’ side, President George W. Bush praised his former Attorney General, singling out his “courage†for ramping up his domestic spying program on his own family.
“If every head of every household was as willing to eavesdrop on his own family as my man Alberto is, we wouldn’t need a Homeland Security Department,†Mr. Bush chuckled.
There’s more so read the whole thing.
You can get and read Andy Borowitz’s other investigative reports here.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.