The Sultan Tiger Woods and his Harem

33-year-old professional golfer extraordinaire appears to have amassed a collection of trollops, hussies, harlots, sluts, and other assorted mistresses and bimbos in addition to his main squeeze, the 29-year-old blond, former Swedish model Elin Nordegren to whom he was publicly married in 2004. Too much money, narcissism, ego, sex-drive, and far too many willing and perhaps conniving young women interested in short-term, shallow, fantasy affairs have created the celebrity sports/entertainment scandal of the month. The coverage may keep going for months to come as it has proven to be great fodder for our shallow 24/7 info-entertainment business.

Tiger is a world-wide celebrity of mixed-race origin (Black & Asian) who has shown a strong sexual preference for natural and dyed blond women of Caucasian descent. Perhaps at his tender age, he didn’t get all his philandering out of his system and he should have waited until he was over 40 to get married. Alternatively he just exemplifies the “natural proclivities” in human nature when completely unrestrained by financial, social, technological, or ethical considerations. His biggest alleged deception under our outdated moral codes was to his spouse and children – but then they are not that financially strained by his escapades as would be most families.

Did any of Tiger’s mistresses really think they were the “only” one, that he wasn’t already married, and that it was highly unlikely he would voluntarily leave his spouse for any of them? Most professional prostitutes jealously guard their clients’ privacy because they have profitable businesses to preserve. Instead we have most of these bimbos eagerly giving bedroom sex reports, making public statements with attorneys, and arranging photo shoots. Their interests in Tiger might have been temporary and financial – as calculated means to get their 15 minutes or more of fame in their rather useless lives. Perhaps some of them are collecting celebrity lovers just for the bragging rights and for some potential future financial remuneration.

Take away Tiger’s golf skills and money, and he’d be just another working stiff with a pleasant smile easily ignored by many women.

One could also conjecture that Mrs. Woods might have arranged some of these liaisons in order to get her husband in a bad situation to justify a very good divorce for her own best financial interests. If so, both she and Tiger got carried away in the process.

Some readers may criticize me for taking a harsh view of the women involved and left Tiger and his oversized putter essentially off the hook. That is not true, but I have been listing some of the arguments my own spouse raised in a recent discussion.

My wife of almost 12 years and 10 years my junior is a very attractive Colombiana from South America. Her take on male-female relations is quite different from the foolishly myopic views of many American women. She puts equal or more blame on the women in these affairs. Many Latinas view men as pretty stupid and weak when it comes to sexual temptation and they acknowledge the reality that their fellow females (regardless of race, creed, skin and hair color, age, nationality, and marital status) can be quite determined and calculating when it comes to using men for their own purposes. She also wisely told me that I’m too poor, cheap, old and boring to waste time and money on any other women – she knows me better than I do.

Like all great deceptions of the past 20 years, occurring in realms of business, politics and sports, many of them are finally seeing the light of day. These public revelations have upset, angered and disappointed many people with our all-too-human foibles and continuous moral failings also know as “sins.” We continue to foolishly extend many virtues to our leaders in sports and politics that deep down we probably realize they may not actually possess (i.e. fidelity, honesty) when they merely exhibit limited public attributes (great talent for certain sports, entertaining skills, electability, and various talents to make gobs of money in business by any legal and illegal means possible). We constantly set up ourselves for disappointment.

In a previous 3/18/09 TMV posting, I advocated the U.S. permit gay marriage, polygamy and polyandry, as sensible and long-needed economic and social reforms. I would draw the line at marrying outside our species, but whatever sort of complex relationships people wish to construct, is their own business. If you can afford it, go ahead and amass a harem or go thru multiple marriages. Just be honest about what you are doing for the sake of your children and the rest of us in society that would prefer not to publicly finance your particular familial choices.

Tiger may be so infatuated with himself that he could never manage a long-term monogamous relationship. Then he should be upfront with that in his various relationships. He successfully manages multiple advertising endorsements – and certainly the business entities involved know he’ll play along with all consenting suitors. Constant praise and adulation on the golf course is just not enough for him. Part of the public prize for the top finishers in most professional sporting events should be a bouncing bevy of pretty young women – they should not just be the obvious hidden benefits. That policy may finally wake up most of the delusional sports wives and the rest of society who still believe monogamy applies to the rich and famous.

Being among the top 1% of the highest earners and wealthiest persons on the planet, normal rules really do not apply to him. Many of his elite friends around the globe also believe that they do not have to answer for their acts murder, rape, grand theft and fraud, plus a host of minor sins of the flesh. We – the other 99% of the world – actually enable them and their endless antics by endlessly following their every escapade, forgiving them every sin and transgression, and making them even more famous and wealthy after each failure that would normally put most people into divorce or bankruptcy court, a prison cell, or all of them.

For thousands of years, we humans and our religious beliefs have yet come to honest terms with our sexual natures. Until we do, we will never come up with rational and livable codes of conduct for the vast majority of us. It is also telling that whole parts of our society’s poor and lower middle class no longer view heterosexual marriage as very worthwhile or even possible from a long-term social or financial perspective. The majority of us are in the process of completely abandoning long-held views of marriage and human sexuality.

It appears our society does not wish to tax the wealthy to help support our public needs, and to make any efforts at reasonably reducing our huge societal chasm in income and wealth disparity. Thus good divorce lawyers are left to help “spread the wealth around.” They take chunks of current and future money and assets from certain wealthy individuals and distribute them in an organized judicially-sanctioned fashion to former spouses, girlfriends, prostitutes, and their law firms. These large monetary distributions will ultimately increase the disposable and spendable income of many more people in society which will invariably improve our overall depressed economy. And legalizing gay marriages, polygamy, polyandry and group marriages would also help our country’s lawyers and accountants in starting, managing, ending, and filing the taxes of these various new legal entities – even more economic stimulus without any federal spending!

Perhaps Tiger Woods has been merely thinking of the other 99% of us who are economically, culturally and socially depressed and who really need an entertaining diversion from all the bad news of 2009. For his many stupid, silly, and all-too-human yet entertaining “transgressions,” escapades, sins and sexual follies, we really have to thank him for his complete lack of restraint.

Marc Pascal

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Author: MARC PASCAL

Marc Pascal is an private enterprise counselor and independent arbitrator and mediator in Phoenix, AZ.

  • roro80

    Wow, Marc, are you punking your readership, or are you actually presenting this piece of fail as a post in earnest? I mean, I tend to agree with most of your articles, but unless there's some big punchline or joke that I'm not getting, this is jaw-droppingly ugly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-Becker/577652959 Samuel Becker

    Player hater.

  • SteveK

    Marc, Your childish, fact free, hate filled fantasy about who and what Tiger Woods is is worse than the Floyd and Mary Beth obscenity posted here earlier today.

    The unsupported libel that you've so maliciously spew contains no (zero) facts about who Tiger Woods is but it speaks volumes about Marc Pascal.

  • VeratheGun

    WTF? You, sir, have completely removed all doubt that you are an idiot.

    Marriage vows mean something. Self respect is valuable. Restraint is the mark of a mature adult. This is true for every human being, no matter how wealthy.

    Everyone fails in their life, on occasion. Tiger's behavior wasn't failure–it was the opposite of failure. It was success–success in banging every willing female that he possibly could.

    The bimbo, slut, harlot and hussy of the story is Tiger himself. I find it extraordinarily offensive that you refer to these women in such a manner, including insinuating that his wife set him up (!?!), when it is clear that if the man had kept his zipper closed, none of this would be an issue.

  • roro80

    Thanks Vera…agreed 100%. If found the tiny, suble racist sprinkles only added to the richness of the mysogyny of the piece.

  • dduck12

    Thank you Mr. Pascal, your tongue-in cheek piece was great. May I suggest a “bimbo and Bimbette” tax to be applied to subsidize Viagra payments for we of the 99% group. I think Harry and Nancy would appreciate the suggestion for the HCR bill, if it came from you and some famous people like Clinton, Spitzer and even Tiger.

  • Father_Time

    Absolutely excellent Marc! Pointing out the decadent sexual degradation of America is always a good thing. Never mind the silly detractors above, they are living their little lives vicariously through the likes of the morally bankrupt. They fantasize themselves plausible, but can only lick their chops in envy. Such was the death of Bohemia!

    Soldier on King of rightous rant.

  • ordinarysparrow

    Oh My such Holiday cheer!. . . Tis the Season. . .Did the Christmas tree go up too early?. . .Or is the apple cider or whiskey sour more bitter this year?. . .

  • DLS

    I think Marc's display of anger is somewhat incoherent. As to Tiger Woods, there are women who are groupies or sluts and who prey upon the guys, but these days even that “envelope” is pushed and it takes a paternity suit against a celebrity and questions about a setup for it to make big-time news.

    As for the Humble Slavey stuff, it's ironic. Not because we could probably find more straightforward scolding and advice in the Bible Belt. But, while it's nice to shop abroad for someone compliant (let's not assume abuse or gross exploitation is always an issue, nor ask if trade-in time will come in another ten to twenty years), don't forget that a small number of the worst women out there will be as humble, servile, or whatever so long as they get their coveted green card — and then things may suddenly change for the worse. And at least once, they made the news, on 60 Minutes or some other similar program. (The husbands that were interviewed didn't seem to be in a position to garner much sympathy, based on the comments that the show received a week or two later.)

  • DLS

    “Instead we have most of these bimbos eagerly giving bedroom sex reports, making public statements with attorneys, and arranging photo shoots.”

    Yep. Book deal, interview deal, et cetera. There's no need to go through the hassle of a paternity suit.

    So why do celebrities choose to risk, as one righty commentator said bluntly long ago, being a target?

  • DLS

    “Pointing out the decadent sexual degradation of America is always a good thing.”

    I would look at this as more like venality or a form of greed and gratification, on everyone's part. (For the women to go beyond just protecting themselves legally makes them venal or greedy, too. Of course, once the opportunity materializes for one of them, it does for all, and the more initiative, the better payoff.)

  • Father_Time

    Well, we are here at my house are glad that you are looking at it.

  • Leonidas

    To me its between Tiger Woods, his wife, his family, and his personal relations. I don't fit into any of those categories so I really don't care. Gossip about celebrities that have nothing to do with me are not something I find worthy of my time, I leave it for those leaning on the gossip fence.

  • VeratheGun

    LOL. Then why bother commenting? That rarefied air you're breathing must get pretty thin.

  • CStanley

    What a weird and revolting post.

    I don't have a problem with pointing out the immorality of the women who are groupies to celebrities (a pathetic modern form of 'gold diggers', where now it is about celebrity as well as money.) But to exonerate the rich and famous men involved, or give them victim status, is creepy.

    What these guys do is perfectly legal and I would never suggest it should be otherwise- but to say that it would be perfectly fine as long as he's honest ignores the fact that these kinds of relationships are exploitative and psychologically harmful, as well as ignoring the even more obvious fact that a married man who does this is by definition NOT being honest and forthright about his relationships with his partners.

  • roro80

    For once, CStanley, we're in perfect agreement.