Top Ten Cloves … Charlie Sheen Is So Winning That… (Guest Voice)

Top Ten Cloves … Charlie Sheen Is So Winning That…
by J. Thomas Duffy

THIS JUST IN! Charlie Sheen’s “My Violent Torpedo of Truth” live one-man show at various cities will net him $7 a month.

News Item: Charlie Sheen: As American as Apple
Pie

Charlie Sheen Is So Winning That…

10. The Tsunami that hit Japan asked his permission
first …

9. He gave LeGone James the talents to take to South Beach.

8. When he goes on Twitter, system gives him as many characters as he wants.

7. The protesters didn’t push Hosni Mubarak out of office, a simple
short-and-sweet phone call from Charlie did it …

6. He gets full-functionality, 4G iPhone service with just a two Dixie-cups-and-string

5. He’s the only person Keyser Söze fears

4. When he goes swimming in the ocean, sharks can only smell Winning in the water, and they leave Charlie alone.

3. Spilled milk cries, only if it’s Charlie that spilled it.

2. He gives Ice Cream “Brain Freeze Headaches”

1. He can get Superman to deliver Kryptonite.

Bonus Riffs

Nathan Heller: He may be winning, but we’re losing.

Ken Baker and Brandi Fowler: “Charlie Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth” Targets America and Beyond

Steve Greenlee: Charlie Sheen: Live in Boston

Charlie Sheen’s ‘Winning’ T-Shirts

J. Thomas Duffy writes the satire blog The Garlic. This is cross posted from that blog. He is a Contributing Editor of The Reaction.

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Author: Guest Voice