When Raphael Edward “Ted” Cruz ran from his state like a coward when it was hit by a freeze, the most astonishing thing about his actions was that he did it. OK, that would have been astonishing if he was actually a warm-blooded human being and not some defrosted creepy reptilian thing that some mad scientist forgot to put back inside his walk-in freezer.

This is a guy who has fear-mongered and scapegoated immigrants coming from our southern border so you would think he’d pick a location to run to that wasn’t below our southern border. Why go to Mexico when you spend 90% of your time bitching about Mexicans?

On top of abdicating his duties and responsibilities of a United States Senator and even pretending to care about his constituents, Ted blamed the entire ordeal on his daughters. He told us they really wanted to go to Cancun because that’s where all little girls want to go. He said it was a class field trip…without any class. If you don’t take your underage daughters to Cancun when they ask, someone might call Child Protective Services on you. Or maybe that’s only in Texas.

Later, a neighbor revealed that after the freeze hit Texas, Ted and his wife, who Donald Trump claimed is ugly, were calling neighbors to see if they wanted to get in on the Cancun action at the Ritz Carlton, which was offering amazing rates. What was not astonishing about all of this is that Ted Cruz has a neighbor who doesn’t like him. Ted’s lucky his neighbors only expose his lies by sending Heidi’s tweets to The New York Times. Rand Paul’s neighbors physically assault him.

Then, Ted goes running back to Texas the day after he left Texas. Why? Because he got caught. While leaving the state, he was wearing a generic face mask without any logo on it. On his return, his face mask was emblazoned with the state flag of Texas. He really wanted us to know how much he loves Texas…from where he ran away from in a crisis. Later, he made sure there were photos and videos of him handing out water to his constituents…which would be illegal if they were black voters in Georgia.

Ted Cruz lacks self awareness. If he had any, he’d still be in a hole somewhere out of embarrassment and knowing nobody will buy his bullshit. But we’re talking about Ted Cruz. This is the same guy who asks how to stop insurrections after helping to lead an insurrection. It’s like shit Ted did in the past never happened.

Ted Cruz went to the border and made a mini-documentary while wearing a Fidel Castro costume he probably found at a military surplus store. He took a video team with him and tweeted live videos from our southern border with Mexico. What did he see on the other side of the Rio Grande River in Mexico? Mexicans. Ted tweeted that there are Mexicans in Mexico. S–t. He could have told us that while he was in Cancun.

Ted said, “On the other side of the river we have been listening to and seeing cartel members – human traffickers – right on the other side of the river waving flashlights, yelling and taunting Americans, taunting the Border Patrol.” He also claimed he saw a dead body floating in the river, but he didn’t show a video of that. Odd.

First, how does Ted know they were cartel members and human traffickers? Do human traffickers wear T-Shirts saying, “Human Traffickers?” Sure, those people are out there but that doesn’t mean Ted saw any. And they were on the other side of the river in Mexico, “waving flashlights, yelling, and taunting Americans and Border Patrol?” Shocking. What are we going to do about Mexicans in Mexico taunting us? For all we know, the Mexicans on the other side of the border was Mexico’s Border Patrol trying to keep Ted Cruz from returning.

Beto O’Rourke, who didn’t flee Texas when it was under a freeze, tweeted, “You’re in a border patrol boat armed with machine guns. The only threat you face is unarmed children and families who are seeking asylum (as well as the occasional heckler).”

Novelist Paul Rudnick tweeted, “Ted Cruz and Susan Collins claim they were ‘heckled’ by drug cartels at the Mexican border. Both agreed it brought back painful memories of their proms.”

Wait? Susan Collins went on the Cruz Cruise? You would think a Republican Senator would avoid any photo-ops with Cancun Cruz. Republicans should treat Ted Cruz like the coronavirus and stay at least six feet…or six states away from him. At least it was just one Republican Senator, Susan Collins, lacking any self-awareness and not 17 on this field trip for morons….and what? There were 17 Republican Senators on this trip with Cruz? Lindsey Graham was there. So was Texas’ other idiot Senator, John Cornyn. Louisiana’s John Kennedy went too.

Last week, after Democrats talked about gun legislation, Cruz accused them of engaging in “theater.”

And then, he performs a theatrical act on the border. The guy literally took a camera team with him. This may be Ted’s biggest theatrical performance since his return from Cancun…or that time he went after Donald Trump for calling his wife ugly and said, “Donald, leave Heidi the hell alone,” and called him a “sniveling coward.” You know that was a theatrical performance because soon after, he bailed on his morals faster than he ran away from Texas in a winter freeze and became a Trump surrogate.

There was a huge increase in border crossings in 2019. During the Trump administration, children were ripped away from their parents and then lost in the system. Ted Cruz never took a camera crew to the detainment centers or the border during that time. The only fact-finding mission Ted conducted during that period was to find out how deep he could burrow up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans project. When Cancun Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward,” he was redirecting what he saw in the mirror. He accuses others of “theater” then runs to the border with a camera crew in a Fidel costume. There probably isn’t another soul on this planet more disingenuous than Ted Cruz, and there’s no one with less self-awareness.

When Raphael Edward ran to Mexico while his state froze, with millions losing power and dozens dying, he became “Cancun Cruz.” But, Theater Ted has always been “Pendejo Ted.”

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