Mr. B. You’re back again with another bottle of screw top sparkling wine. What’s the occasion this time?
BP isn’t the only company that cares about small people, Selig. Goldman Sachs cares, too. And the celebration this time is for that financial reform bill Congress is finalizing. You know, Selig, for a while I thought they might actually do things that would cut strongly into our ability to churn out huge profits with innovative financial products.
Can’t have that, sir.
No, Selig. That was something we most definitely could not allow.
But didn’t that Senator Blanche Lincoln get re-nominated? I heard some of our traders discussing it here in the washroom. She had a proposal…
She did. Had a proposal that would really have separated us from derivative peddling backed by government bailouts. After getting re-nominated, though, she returned to Washington and got an earful. In the end they always compromise away things we don’t really like.
I guess that’s why you brought me another bottle of Asti Spumanti down here in the washroom.
Don’t be silly, Selig. Goldman loves its small people, but we’re not splurgers — except when it comes to bonuses, of course. No, this bottle of inexpensive cheer celebrates the true triumph of our crack Beltway lobbying cadre. Regardless of what the new reform measure says, the person who will oversee the law’s administration guarantees the job will be done right.
Paul Volker, sir? Elizabeth Warren?
Very funny, Selig. No. I speak of a man who has done right by The Street time after time, year after year. A man who helped ensure we would get all the money we wanted in the A.I.G. bailout while the public was being screwed. Know who that was, Selig?
Can I get another hint, sir?
How about this, Selig. While a left-leaning government in Britain was levying a special tax on excessive banker bonuses last year, a tax that cost bankers like us $2.2 billion, and the new conservative-leaning government there is planning to levy another excessive bonus tax this year that will cost bankers like us another $3 billion, the person who will be in charge of enforcing our own financial reform saved us from paying one extra cent in taxes! Now do you know who he is?
Another hint, sir? Can I get just one more?
You been sniffing the Lysol again, Selig? Alright, then. Last hint. This is the same person who when European bankers all wanted a transaction tax so tiny it wouldn’t hurt small traders at all, but a tax that would cripple the profits of high volume flash traders like ourselves while also reducing volatility and market risk, this is the guy who kiboshed that crazy proposal.
It’s Timmy, isn’t it sir? It’s the investment banker’s friend, Tim Geithner.
Of course it is, Selig. The Treasury will be gaining the most power to administer changes mandated by the new financial overhaul. Goldman has been staffing the Treasury for years with our own alumni, and the Treasury Chief, Tim Geithner, will be overseeing the whole project.
It was close there for a time, wasn’t it sir?
Yes, Selig. It was close. There were moments when even I thought that when people in Washington said ‘change’ they meant real change that would shift the power of markets in favor of small people rather than their best and brightest betters.
Can’t have that, sir. It’s socialism. And then I’d never get my occasional taste of the good life.
Good life might be overstating the case a bit with this particular vintage, Selig. Is my usual Stall 8 ready for use.
As always, sir.
Good man. By the way. Feel free to take the wine home to share with your wife.
She still remembers you in her nightly prayers, sir.
You can contact this writer at wallstreetpoet.com