Here’s a special original Guest Voice commentary by TMV’s favorite poet, Michael Silverstein, aka Wall Street Poet. Guest Voice posts do not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Moderate Voice or its writers.
Wanted: Viable Third Party Presidential Candidate
By Michael Silverstein
Wanted: Viable third party candidate for the 2008 presidential race. Excellent opportunity to improve the condition of the country and the world generally, and to salvage an electoral system that no longer seems able to generate worthwhile leaders in the traditional two party manner.
Qualifications: Optimal applicants will be articulate, animated by common sense rather than ideology, untainted by professional or personal scandal, have a skin as thick as a rhino’s, and be exceptionally wealthy. Good press contacts (or actual media ownership) a definite plus. Should be well acquainted with byzantine doings inside the Beltway without having feed off same. Good looks not a consideration, but should not come across like an angry ferret or a frightened rabbit when hassled by reporters.
Affiliations: Applicants need not have actual membership in a third party, but would likely have to accept nomination by one or two already on state ballots. A personal fortune, honestly acquired, will be needed to get on other state ballots. Candidate’s spouse (if any) ought not have ties to criminal organizations or far-right/far-left think tanks.
Pay And Benefits: Even throwing in Camp David and the private bowling alley in the White House basement, this position will almost certainly offer less in the way of emoluments than what a successful applicant currently enjoys. Fringe benefits, however, include an opportunity to achieve historical greatness..
Where And How To Apply: The right applicant should present him/herself on Larry King or Jay Leno (Oprah no longer an option) sometime after the first few Democrat and Republican primaries and caucuses. Given the likely worse or worser choices offered by the two major special interest-dominated parties at that time, simply not being affiliated with either should put an applicant on the presidential winner short list. Also making clear that you’re a healer not a howler, and that creating angry divides is not your chosen mode of governing, should make you a shoe-in to get hired.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.