Gail Collins Interprets Palin’s Resignation Speech

There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of instant analyses—including some great psychoanalyses—of Sarah Palin’s Independence-Day-Weekend Drama.

As I don’t understand half the time what Palin is talking about (I know, it’s my fault), I won’t even attempt to analyze her introductory remarks of : “Hi Alaska, I appreciate speaking directly TO you, the people I serve, as your Governor.”

But I am sure there is some hidden message in those words—especially in the “caps.” Someone will tell us sooner or later.

However, I sincerely believe that a woman could probably best scrutinize and interpret Palin’s remarks and, more important, her real intentions.

Who better to do this than veteran New York Times Op-Ed columnist Gail Collins—the first woman ever appointed editor of the Times’ editorial page.

In her Times “Sarah’s Straight Talk” column today, Collins provides the best “translation” of Palin’s “I am not a quitter” speech I have seen so far.

And it wasn’t easy, as Collins herself points out in her opening paragraph:

Truly, Sarah Plain has come a long way. When she ran for vice president, she frequently became disjointed and garbled when she departed from her prepared remarks. Now the prepared remarks are incoherent, too.

But, thanks to her experience as a journalist and as a woman, Collins ably dissects Palin’s contradictory remarks.

For example:

“And a problem in our country today is apathy,” she said on Friday as she announced that she would resign as governor of Alaska at the end of the month. “It would be apathetic to just hunker down and ‘go with the flow.’ Nah, only dead fish ‘go with the flow.’…Basically, the point was that Palin is quitting as governor because she’s not a quitter. Or a deceased salmon.

She babbled about her parents’ refrigerator magnet, which apparently had a lot of wise advice. And she recalled her visit with the troops in Kosovo, whose dedication and determination inspired her to … resign.

“Life is about choices!” declared the nation’s most anti-choice politician.

As to a possible reason for Palin throwing in the towel: “Perhaps there is some new and interesting scandal that Palin has yet to let us in on. (If so, I hope it involves a soul mate.)”

As to one of Palin’s possible future aspirations:

Otherwise, it would appear that this is all about her desire to start raising money and setting up operations for a presidential run in 2012. Her fans immediately interpreted the resignation as a canny move to get her back down to the lower 48, with as much time on her hands as Mitt Romney. (Mary Matalin called it “brilliant.”)

And, on some of the obstacles facing her:

And there is no sign, Purdum reported, that Palin has made any attempt to bone up on the issues so that next time around, she could run as a candidate who actually had some grasp of the intricacies of foreign and domestic policy.

So if she’s starting to run, it will be as the same reporter-avoiding, generalization-spouting underachiever that she was last time around.

Finally, on what many of us may be in for, should Palin pursue her ultimate aspiration:

On Friday, Palin said that finishing out her term would be just too easy. “Many just accept that lame-duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck and ‘milk it.’ I’m not putting Alaska through that,” she said.

Apparently, she’s going to put the rest of us through it instead.

Sarah Palin, who can see the Russian troops from her home in Wasilla, finished her “I am quitting speech” by quoting the military, apparently General MacArthur: “In the words of General MacArthur said [sic], ‘We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction.’”

The thing that is not quite clear is in which direction Palin will be retreating advancing.

Even this quote is being widely analyzed.

The web site healpastlive.com provides the following interesting information on the authorship of the quote.

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another direction.”
– General Lewis B. “Chesty” Puller at the Battle of Chosin Reservoir in Korea (often attributed to General Douglas MacArthur)

Gail Collins is the author of “America’s Women,” “Scorpion Tongues: Gossip, Celebrity and American Politics,” and “The Millennium Book,” which she co-authored with her husband, Dan Collins. Another book, “When Everything Changed,” will be published in October of 2009.