Trumpian History Lesson (Cartoon, Column and Video)
You know when an eight-year-old reads from a prepared text and it’s cute yet kinda painful? You grin through it and think to yourself, “Just get to the end of the sentence for the love of God so we can applaud and move on with our lives….AAARRGGHHH!!!” Well, when Donald Trump reads from a prepared statement, subtract the cute and multiply the pain by 25. That’s what we got as Trump hijacked the capital’s annual Independence Day celebration in a desperate attempt to sponge off some of the military’s popularity.
If you ever wondered what it’d sound like to hear a middle-school history report cobbled together from Wikipedia pages, you found out yesterday. At least Cliff Notes might get you a D, but Trump Notes will set you back a grade. And sure, it costs us about $92 million, but the one saving grace during Trump’s speech was military jets flying overhead on cue.
And, Trump still messed it up. The Declaration of Independence wasn’t signed on July 4th. British General Cornwallis was of London, not Yorktown (he was defeated at Yorktown). The Continental Army wasn’t named after George Washington. Fort McHenry didn’t exist at the time of the American Revolution. Speaking of things that didn’t exist during the Revolutionary War, airports.
Trump said Washington army (still not named after him), “manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports…” It took over the airports? Did the Continental Army get a connecting flight in Atlanta? Did they have to pay outlandish parking fees at Dulles?
Donald Trump is the guy you’d be embarrassed to bring to a party. “What? That guy? Don’t look at me. I don’t know who invited him. He grabbed you where?” But in this case, he’s the ringmaster. At one point during the speech, he said, “Frederick Douglass.” He didn’t say anything about Fredericks Douglass, he just said, “Frederick Douglass.” I’m sure there was something in the speech about Douglass, but how hard is it to read from a teleprompter? Any literate person can do it, right? Oh, it’s the literacy thing, isn’t it?
We got a history lesson from a guy who can’t remember history from two years ago, or last week, or yesterday. This is a guy who claims he created a great economy, ignoring the fact he inherited a great economy created by Barack Obama.
Perhaps the biggest error with Trump’s knowledge of history is that Independence Day is NOT a military holiday. We have ten federal holidays and two of them are for honoring the military, but Independence Day is not one of them. So, Trump took July 4th and made it about the military and himself.
Even though Trump did avoid politics and chants of, “lock her up,” “build the wall,” and “drain the swamp,” it was a political speech. He had special seating for his campaign donors and he ordered the military to provide a showcase with him in the center of it.
Perhaps my favorite part, other than the mediocre-sized crowd that was rained on, was Trump encouraging people to join the military. Cadet Bone Spurs who received five deferments from serving in Vietnam and whose two grown sons didn’t serve either (but like to take big guns to Africa and shoot fenced animals), said, “Join our military and make a truly great statement in life. And you should do it.”
Do you really want to make a great statement in life? Vote for someone who’s not a self-absorbed idiot. Vote for someone who’s not Donald Trump. It doesn’t matter who they are as long as it’s not Donald Trump. Of course, for you to not vote for Donald Trump, you’d have to not be an idiot.
Watch me draw.
Email Clay Jones at [email protected]