by Daniel Sherman
Welcome to Liberty University! Our motto is Knowledge Aflame. We invite you to consider an education at our beautiful Lynchburg, VA campus or online, where we will stoke the flames of curiosity, learning, and faith in a Christ-centered environment.
Founded in 1971 in response to the godless over-reaches of the Civil Rights Movement, Liberty University creates a safe haven for white and black students alike, comfortably separated by a culture that fully supports mono-racial dating. Our founder Rev. Jerry Falwell took a visionary stance on protecting religious liberty from the dangers of miscegenation, and from the very beginning offered vigorous support for our allies-in-Christ at Bob Jones University in their struggle to keep separate what God has created to remain separate. This principled stance was struck seven years before political correctness cowed the Mormons into accepting the descendants of Cain and Ham, and continues this day in an atmosphere that encourages a racial harmony balancing differences and equality.
Our sprawling campus features squares of green grass, Greek columns, and brick buildings that are the envy of rival schools such as Harvard and Oxford. We boast colleges that prepare students for successful careers in aeronautics, nursing, water divining, business, arts and sciences, osteopathy, haruspexy, phrenology, and our world-famous Center for Creation Studies.
Headed by our fully accredited geologist Dr. Marcus Ross, B.S., M.S., PhD, who has multiple degrees, The Center for Creation Studies expands beyond the limitations of scientific evidence to include not just facts and reason but Biblical truth as well. This comprehensive approach not only brings glory to the Creator of Heaven and Earth, but prepares young men and women to grapple with real-time scientific questions. For example, the COVID-19 virus which was designed, not evolved, and therefore was never intended to interfere with campus life or the steady accrual of the University’s $1.43 billion endowment.
Our School of Business prepares students to sit at a table with bar graphs on their computer screens, and learn inclusive team-building practices such as always having a colored person on board. Birthplace to the “Liberty School” of Economics, we boast more Nobel Prize-quality research than the University of Chicago. Learn from the experts in our labor relations seminar, inspired once again by founder Rev. Jerry Falwell: “Labor unions should study and read the Bible instead of asking for more money. When people get right with God, they are better workers.”
We don’t just study business in the class-rooms, but apply it to practical enterprise. Tax-exempt Liberty University received a glowing case-study review by Politico, and found:
“We’re not a school; we’re a real estate hedge fund,” said a senior university official with inside knowledge of Liberty’s finances. “We’re not educating; we’re buying real estate every year and taking students’ money to do it.”
We take business studies out of the textbook and right to the bottom line.
Welcome to the Science Department’s School of Astronomy! Unravel the mysteries of the universe by peering through our 24-inch telescope. You’d have to cross several plantations to find a larger refracting lens. Housed in a multi-purpose observatory / garden tool shed, peer at the stars and nebula which are too faint to be seen with the naked eye, and designed to appear aged, just as Adam and Eve were created as adults.
The History Department at Liberty University does not push a single narrative dictated by secular liberals but teaches both sides of every historic moment. The end of apartheid in South Africa, for example, was masterfully orchestrated by University President Jerry Falwell’s exhortation in 1985 for Americans to buy gold Krugerrands from the Pretorian government, invest in South African business, and not be misled by Nobel Prize winner Bishop Desmond Tutu, who was an obvious “phony” and did not represent black people. The greater good of stemming Communism and the pending collapse of freedom everywhere was thus postponed for at least several years.
Demand the fullest of your First Amendment rights by working for The Liberty Champion, a chronicle that has fearlessly supported the Trump presidency and allows a full range of opinions to be stated just prior to expulsion. Aspiring journalists are given guidance by Bruce Kirk, Dean of the School of Communications, who advised in a candid, no-holds-barred interview:
“Your job is to keep the LU reputation and the image as it is … Don’t destroy the image of LU. Pretty simple. OK? Well, you might say, ‘Well, that’s not my job, my job is to do journalism. My job is to be First Amendment. My job is to go out and dig and investigate, and I should do anything I want to do because I’m a journalist.’ So let’s get that notion out of your head. OK?”
Liberty University’s embodiment of this First Amendment ideal was forged in Rev. Falwell’s victory over pornographer Larry Flynt in the Supreme Court. In the unanimous 8-0 decision Hustler Magazine vs. Falwell, the Court upheld Falwell’s unassailable right to deny in public that he ever thought his Mom looked better than a Baptist whore with a $100 donation, or that he lost his virginity to her in an outhouse because “…after she showed all the other guys in town such a good time, I figured what the hell.” Rather than leaving this baseless accusation in the back pages of a smut rag, Rev. Falwell dragged it all the way up to the highest court in the land so his denial could see the brightest possible light of day.
The Divinity School at Liberty University grapples with the most complex questions a soul may face, and finds answers that sound about right because they are multi-syllabic. “Judeo-Christian” and “dispensationalism” confirm a sense of authority, and lend credence when we consider age-old dilemmas, such as whether God hears the prayers of Jews. The correct answer is no, until controversy ensues and a revelation occurs, and then yes.
Speaking of our friends in Judeo-Christianity, our university campus holds in special esteem all People of the Book. Jewish students live in their very own shtetl just on the outskirts of Lynchburg, and are allowed to roam with freedom and tolerance until sun-down every night. Our Muslim brothers and sisters are welcome to visit as well. Campus security will greet them immediately at the entrance and make sure they are never made to feel alone or unwatched.
An education at Liberty University is not just about classroom work, it is about practicing the principals of liberty every day. Dancing, drinking, using tobacco products, gambling, two-piece swimwear worn by girls, watching porn, and extreme hairstyles and fashions all violate our honor code The Liberty Way. While we expect our students to conform to these standards, the pursuit of liberty requires that current president Jerry Falwell Jr. personally investigate occasions of sin and whether our valued student body is in danger at any location.
For example, unsuspecting students may find their liberty compromised in the steamy night clubs of Miami Beach. We consider it critical to provide assistance for them to return to campus. Therefore the entire family of Sarah, Trey, Becki, Wesley, and Jerry Jr. may be deployed to night clubs patrolling posing as “dancers” holding “mocktails,” on the lookout for any sheep that have wandered from the flock.
Now, our Grandpappies always used to say: “If they can’t tree a ‘coon, they’ll shoot the dog that can.” This ugly trait is unfortunately on display in the form of secular liberal hoaxes of a COVID-19 “ virus” that have attempted to distance our students from their Biblical studies and keep them off campus. Liberty University will continue to welcome and educate every feverish, sneezing, coughing, tuition-paying Christian warrior that comes to us. In fact, of 5,000 total students, 1,900 faithful souls returned from Spring Break this year, the more pious half remained, and God only visited the wrath of a positive test on one person. Proof that when Christians hang together, they will all hang together.
Pursue your higher education goals at Liberty University: setting knowledge aflame!
Daniel Sherman is an entrepreneur lucky enough to depend on both Italy and China for his income. He is developing a textbook on ethics for adolescents and their parents.
Photo by PCHS-NJROTC – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=80170151