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Posted by on Sep 23, 2019 in Authoritarianism, Government, Impeachment, Politics, Satire, Scandals, Totalitarianism | 0 comments

If Trump Could Take his Sharpie to the U.S. Constitution

Cagle Cartoons: Milt Priggee, Oak Harbor, WA

Many say that the man in the White House has “shredded the U.S. Constitution.”

I beg to differ.

I do not believe the stable genius in the Oval Office has the skills to operate a shredder.

If he tried, he would probably get his mile-long tie caught in the mechanism with disastrous consequnces.

But Trump does a have a magic Sharpie that he has used extremely well, such as to alter official NOAA charts, to sign a piece of the “Wall” that Mexico would pay for and, figuratively, to distort, exaggerate, even falsify numerous facts and figures.

Thus, using his “Sharpie method,” is the way Trump would “shred” the Constitution.

His preamble would be:

In Order to form a more powerful Trump dynasty, establish unquestioned loyalty to the Trump Brand, provide for the enrichment of the Trump Family, insure domestic division and turbulence, provide for the common defense of the Trump lawlessness and corruption, and secure the Blessings of the Almighty Dollar to Myself and my posterity and with all the powers vested into Me and my Sharpie I do hereby amend the Constitution for the United States of America as follows:

Article I (Legislative)

Section 1 (The Congress)

Legislative Powers not reserved for Myself are herein granted to Congress. However, I shall have Executive and Veto powers that shall not be challenged.

Section 2 (House of Representatives)

1: The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members anointed by Me.
2: No Person shall be a Representative who has not pledged unequivocal loyalty to Me.
3: Deleted
4: When vacancies happen, I will fill them.
5: The House of Representatives shall…have the sole Power of Impeachment. Sharpie-out this ignominy.

Section 3 (The Senate)

1: Ditto for the Senate of the United States.
2-5: Sharpie-out.
6: (The Senate shall have the sole Power to try all Impeachments.) Again, Sharpie-out this slander.
7: Ditto

Section 4

1: I will decide on The Times, Places and Manner of holding Elections for Senators and Representatives, if and when convenient to My agenda.
2: Ditto for the assembly of Congress.

Section 5

1-4: I shall be the sole Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications for all members of Congress.

Section 6

1-2: Senators and Representatives shall receive a Compensation for their Services commensurate to the amount of loyalty shown towards Me.

Section 7

1-3: Every Bill considered by the House of Representatives, shall have My prior approval and shall bear My Yuge Sharpie signature before becoming law.

Section 8 (The Powers of Congress)

1-18: Sharpie-out “The Congress” and replace with “President Trump” as outlined in Article II.

Section 9

1: The Migration or Importation of such Persons as bad hombres and those who come from shithole countries shall be prohibited. Only White, Nordic specimens may be imported.
2-7: Sharpied-out.
8: The only Titles of Nobility to be granted by the United States shall be to members of the Trump Dynasty. Only the Trump Dynasty shall be permitted to accept Emolument from any King, Prince, or foreign State.

Section 10

1: All coin, money, Tender of Payment shall bear the glorious Trump image
2-3: See Article II.

Article II (Executive)

Section 1

1: The executive Power vested in Me shall be unlimited and I and my Descendants shall hold the office in perpetuity.
2-5: Irrelevant and redundant. See 1, above
6: Removal of the President from Office. Does not and will never apply to Me and my Family.
7: I will take whatever I feel is adequate Compensation for My and my Family’s Services.
8: Oath of Affirmation. Crossing fingers behind one’s back is permitted and appropriate.

Section 2

1: Totally unnecessary. I know more than the generals and heads of all Departments.
2: Sharpie-out all references to “Advice and Consent” by anyone.
3: Power to fill up all Vacancies. Goes without saying, all Mine.

Section 3

Sharpie-out “he shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed.”

Section 4

There is that infamous word again, “Impeachment.” Sharpie-out

Article III ( Judicial)

Section 1

The judicial Power of the United States, shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as populated by Me. They shall at all times look after My interests first and shall hold their Offices during good Behavior towards Me.

Section 2

Based on Section 1, this Section is redundant.

Section 3 (Treason)

Very nervous about this Section. We’ll see what happens.

Article IV ( States’ Relations)

Obsolete – Sharpie-out.
Article V (Mode of Amendment)

Sharpie-out. No more Amendments necessary. The swamp has been drained. America is great again.

Article VI (Prior Debts, National Supremacy, Oaths of Office)

1: Take full advantage of the bankruptcy process.Use the art of the crooked deals.
2: Keep America Great and White
3: Oaths or Affirmation are for losers.

Article VII ( Ratification)

What in the hell is “ratification”?