President George Bush will today try to reach out to Democrats by talking to them privately at a Democratic retreat in a setting where cameras are off. He’ll reportedly try to speak their language — the language of leaving open the possibility of channels of communication with Congress, with the hopes of compromise on some issues:
In an attempt to sustain key elements of a domestic agenda pronounced dead on arrival by congressional critics, President Bush will challenge the newly empowered House Democrats to give his health-care and energy proposals serious consideration when he addresses them today during a retreat in Virginia.
Confronted by the reality of a Congress now controlled by Democrats, Bush has maintained his trademark determination regarding Iraq, pushing forward with a military buildup despite widespread Democratic opposition.
On domestic matters, however, Bush has recently adopted the rhetoric — but not the policy positions — often associated with Democrats. He has invoked the menace of global climate change, lamented the nation’s growing income inequality, and set ambitious goals to develop alternative fuels and cut gasoline consumption. He has also proposed a plan to make health insurance more affordable to the 47 million people in the country who lack coverage.
There does seem to be common ground for discussion on some key issues so Washington policymaking moves back from involving two branches of government, rather one branch that hands an agenda for the other one to approve or defend and then approve.
The key question: can Bush, in what is expected to be highly spirited give-and-take questioning with the Democrats, hold his ground and establish any kind of a bond.
OUR SUGGESTION: Mr. President, try to use some humor. Break the ice with some humor before getting down to the serious stuff. You can use some of this:
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Whoops! This must be for a different group. I see Democrats here.
There are lots of things to talk about. Take my poll numbers. Please.
And — uh, oh, Karl Rove just handed me a note.
The secret identity of a CIA agent is written on it. Hey, Karl, I think you meant this to go to that broad who used to work for the New York Times.
Take my poll numbers. Please.
No, I was just joking. But Karl if you hand me a note again saying My Pet Goat is overdue at the Crawford Library you’re outta here and you’ll have to take that job as a political analyist for Fox News.
And for your information, Mr. Wisenheimer, I took that book out in 2001 and returned it when I finished it — last December.
You all know Karl “The Architect” Rove. He designed our 2006 election strategy. Hey, Karl, the next time you design a building just make sure it’s designed to resist earthquakes, OK?
Take Joe Biden’s big mouth. Please.
No, this paper he handed me does have an important announcement:
Will the owner of a BMW with the licence plate 29871762087 please move your car. Your car’s licencse plate is blocking the driveway.
Actually, that isn’t the license plate number at all. That’s Teddy Kennedy’s pants waist size.
Or it’s the number of Jack Daniels Teddy had at last night’s happy hour.
Teddy got so high he reached the moon and could see Dennis Kucinich’s condo from there.
Take Hillary Clinton. Please. OH PLEASE.
By the way, that was a great lunch you had here. I am pleased to see you offered beef or chicken.
I see Joe Lieberman took BOTH. He told the waiter he wanted chicken but only a right wing.
It was fun watching John Kerry order. He told the waiter he wanted chicken, then he said he didn’t like chicken. “I was for chicken before I was against it.” Actually, you are what you eat. He asked for turkey.
I’ve got a million of them. Not jokes: words for “escalation.”
Take Colin Powell, please. And while you’re at it, put a gag on him.
But I wanna tell ya, ladies and gentlemen — oops! wrong line again for THIS room — that we have a lot in common.
Before we get to discussing policy specifics, just think about what we all see in the world today.
We read the papers and learn about a man who wants to dominate, a man who wants to control entire regions of the world, a man who shuts out compromise, a man who sees the world through a narrow, aggressive ideological perspective, a man who seemingly rejects compromise and whose finger should never be allowed on a deadly trigger.
But enough about Dick Cheney.
Where is Dick? Probably out getting drunk with Wolf Blitzer again.
In any event, my time is growing as short as Bob Dole without Viagra. So before we get to questions and answers remember this:
We have a lot in common.
I wouldn’t trade my friendship with all of you for a million dollars. But if I did get a million dollars, I’d hire Harry Reid to invest it for me and take care of the laws.
In a sense, we are the parents and the American people are our children.
And that’s how I view you — as a bunch of mothers.
PS: Mr. President. Don’t credit me with this one. Give me the same byline as the person who wrote your New York Times op-ed piece.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, writes a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.