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Posted by on Sep 15, 2016 in 2016 Presidential Election, Humor, Politics, Satire | 11 comments

What Makes Scammy Run?

DonDonEagle

September 15, 2016

Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s campaign diary. The series imagines that “Mr.” Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.

Folks, I am so honored. Baby DonDon just won another lifetime achievement award, the Golden Scammy, from the American Society of Philanthropies. The award goes to people whose charitable pledges exceed their actual donations by a factor of 1,000 to one. Baby DonDon is the first winner.

Let’s hear it for Baby DonDon!

Over the weekend, the Washington Post-Apocalypse published yet another David Fahrenthold article—geez, can the man get a life?—about my charitable giving. The story said that of the 326 charities contacted, only one reported that I had given any money from my own pocket since 2008. And that donation was for less than $10,000.

Actually, I have also given tens of millions in cash, but I swore the recipients to secrecy. Why?

Modesty.

Like my old birther campaign, I just don’t like to talk about it.

I can hear you saying, “Oh, winning the Golden Scammy looks bad for Baby DonDon, especially when Melania/Michelle Obama said at the Republican convention that ‘your word is your bond.’”

Not to worry. The latest vicious Fahrenthold story really showed just how smart Baby DonDon is. Fahrenthold figured out that I have developed a true businessman’s model of charity, what I call GOPM—Giving Other People’s Money. Republicans, I am the man who put the GOP in GOPM!

My foundation shakes down people who do business with Trump and then I give the money away and take the credit. I can’t believe no one else ever thought of this. Had you been smarter, you might have thought of this yourself.

I even went further. I gave OPM to the Palm Beach Police Foundation and then they held an affair honoring me at Mar-a-Lago, and they paid me to rent the place. So I made money on the deal!

A man who can do this can eliminate the national debt in eight years, that I can tell you.

But then the Post went too far. It said that in 2007 I used $20,000 of Trump Foundation money to buy a 6-foot-tall portrait of me for me. Using foundation money to buy myself a gift is illegal. So why did I do it? Because My Life Matters!

Even though all of the Post’s allegations are true, I still plan to sue them for $17 trillion. I won’t win, but they may soil their pants while waiting for a court decision.

But back to the Scammy. Why do I promise so much money but give so little?

Taxes. I pay no taxes. Giving money would make no sense because I can’t take a deduction. Giving away money without getting a deduction makes you a schmuck. I am not a schmuck.

Well, not that kind of schmuck.

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes a daily anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.

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Copyright 2016 The Moderate Voice
  • Bob Munck

    Giving Other People’s Money

    Couldn’t the Clintons do this with the Clinton Foundation? It’s about three hundred times as large as the Trump Foundation, When Donald announces he’s made a $10,000 contribution, they could announce that they’ve contributed $100,000,000; FOUR MORE ZEROES. It would make him look like an absolute piker.

    Of course, no more of this wimpy releasing of their tax returns. They’ll have to stay strong like DT and deny, deny, deny.

  • dduck

    Most foundations use OPM, and businessmen know how to do it. What else is new?

    • Bob Munck

      Most foundations use OPM

      Very few of them then claim that it was their money they used.

      • dduck

        Most people assume money comes from the people whose name is on the foundation. Still not new. Clinton foundation loads up with friends and relatives on payroll and some even get other compensation:
        ” Bill Clinton’s staff used a decades-old federal government program, originally created to keep former presidents out of the poorhouse, to subsidize his family’s foundation and an associated business, and to support his wife’s private email server, a POLITICO investigation has found. Taxpayer cash was used to buy IT equipment — including servers — housed at the Clinton Foundation, and also to supplement the pay and benefits of several aides now at the center of the email and cash-for-access scandals dogging Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.”
        http://ijr.com/2016/09/684913-if-you-follow-the-money-taxpayer-dollars-went-to-clinton-foundation-and-to-hillarys-private-server/

        The report comes by way of General Services Administration (GSA) records obtained via Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request, and stipulates that the fiduciary shell game was not technically illegal since ex-presidents receive salaries, staffing and stipends with lax regulations and oversight.”
        And here: http://www.politico.com/story/2015/09/clinton-abedin-state-job-approved-214038

        • Bob Munck

          Taxpayer cash was used to buy IT equipment — including servers — housed at the Clinton Foundation

          From the Media Matters article debunking the POLITICO article:

          The Clinton campaign pushed back, stating that private funds paid for Clinton’s server and that the GSA funds were not for servers and demanded a correction. The headline of the article has since been changed to “Bill Clinton aides used tax dollars to subsidize foundation, private email support.”

          While Politico suggested that Clinton has been particularly greedy in requesting federal allocations, reporting that his requests since 2001 had been “more than any of the other living former presidents,” the piece ignored that such allocations have been larger for each successive president, with President George W. Bush receiving the most funds in fiscal year 2015.

          Note that W. received about 20% more than Clinton. That’s a lot of fingerpaint.

          Read the whole thing: http://mediamatters.org/blog/2016/09/01/problem-politico-report-clinton-foundation/212819

          • dduck

            “Bill Clinton aides used tax dollars to subsidize foundation, private email support.”
            I’ll settle for that. No crime just grime and blurring all the time.

          • Bob Munck

            I’ll settle for that.

            Even though the Media Matters article made it clear it wasn’t true? POLITICO just backed off to a lesser lie. Why would you be inclined to believe them when it was shown that their original claims were false?

          • dduck

            I’ll let you wonder about that.

          • JSpencer

            That would involve about a nanosecond of wondering. ; )

          • dduck

            Exactly. Thanks, JS.

          • JSpencer

            De nada.

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