“He was a goddamn stupid moron. He hated it when you called him a moron. All morons hate it when you call them a moron.” –Catcher in the Rye

Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol tweeted that quote yesterday (from a book it took me nearly 50 years to get around to eventually read). It is true. Morons hate being called “morons” (so do Mormons), even when they’re in denial they’re morons. Like dead people don’t know they’re dead, stupid people don’t know they’re stupid.

If Donald Trump was not a moron, he would recognize when he doesn’t know something. As George Will said, Trump “does not know what it is to know.” The man is not curious, and he doesn’t give a sh– to learn. Instead, he’ll tell us he has a secret plan to defeat ISIS, and he knows more than the generals. This, from a man who didn’t understand the nuclear triad, that plutonium means nuclear, North Korea and healthcare are both complicated, and Puerto Rico is an island.

NBC News recently reported that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson referred to the president of the United States of America as a “moron.” Everyone, at some point in their life, has called their boss a moron. Sixty-three million Americans have referred to Donald Trump as a moron. Now it’s sixty-three million and one. Welcome to the club, Rex. Sorry, all the seats are taken as it’s really packed in here.

Donald Trump fell back on his usual complaint about this story calling it “fake news.” That means it’s true. This morning, he tweeted that Congress should be investigating news outlets that make up stories. It’s still disturbing to me that the president wants to shut down the free press, but since Congress hasn’t gone after the president’s favorite publication, The National Enquirer, we’re probably safe.

This is a fine example of what it is “not to know.” It’s over Donald Trump’s head that he’s wailing about “fake news” while promoting conspiracy theories, hanging out with Alex Jones, and telling us that the National Enquirer should have a Pulitzer Prize. Oh yeah, he also watches Fox and has Sean Hannity over for secret dinners.

Another confirmation that Tillerson called Trump a moron is that the secretary gave a statement to the press. Rex Tillerson never makes statements. Andrea Mitchell is nearly hoarse after shouting questions to the guy for the past nine months while he stands there as if his big-ass ears don’t work.

The moron story included a part about Tillerson threatening to resign. Tillerson gave a statement that he has never threatened to resign (though seven sources say he did). When asked about calling Trump a “moron,” Tillerson said, “I’m not going to deal with petty stuff like that.” Why not? Your superior, that guy you called “moron,” totally deals with petty stuff like that. Petty is his modus operandi. This guy makes up nicknames for people.

In fact, “Moron Don” was trending on Twitter yesterday (as “dotard” was last week). Perhaps it bristles Trump even more that “Moron Don” sounds like a nickname he’d throw at someone, contingent that their name was Don.

Rex Tillerson was a poor choice as Secretary of State. The man has zero experience in government work. He, along with Trump, has demoralized the entire State Department. He’s alienated lawmakers, foreign policy veterans, and the news media while watching Trump cut the department’s budget and leave posts unfilled. The plan was to have him as a figurehead while Jared (who doesn’t know how to fill out forms by himself) would take care of foreign policy.

According to aides and Trump associates who have been in the room with them, Tillerson’s body language, eye rolling and terse expressions are signs of his disagreements with Trump, and Trump is noticing (which is kinda shocking. Trump notice something?). Vice-President Mike Pence was dispatched to instruct Tillerson on how to behave like a sycophant. Personally, I would have told Pence to go eat a booger which would have been followed by a slew of curse words that would have caused trauma to his fragile Christian ears.

According to several people, Tillerson didn’t just call Trump a “moron.” He called him a “f—ing moron.” A spokesperson for the State Department said the secretary would never use language like that. Well, Tillerson may not engage in petty stuff or use language like that (he does), but I do. Tillerson might be new at it, but I’m old-school calling Trump a “moron.” Donald Trump is a fucking moron.

In addition to being a “f—ing moron,” he’s a dotard, an imbecile, a freaking idiot, a dunce, a cretin, a buffoon, obtuse, an international embarrassment, a bottom-feeding dimwit, halfwit, nitwit, fu–wit, and a knuckle-dragging dumb-ass. If anything, Donald Trump proves that evolution can go in reverse. The man is too stupid to realize how stupid he looks. Seriously. Look at him. Who chooses to go with the Cheeto-with-a-bleached-skunk-on-the-head look?

Get out your scorecards, kids. It’s time to play sh—can bingo. Which member of the Trump administration is next to go? Will it be Jeff Sessions, John Kelly, or Rex Tillerson? I’m going with John Kelly as he looks like the one who hates eating sh– the most.

As for Rex, he’s still there after being undercut and undermined by Trump. He’s not as much of a poodle-bitch as Jeff Sessions, but this guy can eat some meatloaf.

Clay Jones can be contacted at [email protected]

Clay Jones
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