I was planning on drawing about Martha Stewart or John Durham today…and then Rudy Giuliani happened…again. And I thought, how can I not do something on Rudy? He has to take precedence seeing how disgusting, rotten, and corrupt he is.

Noelle Dunphy, who says she worked as an off-the-books employee for Giuliani during his stint as Donald Trump’s personal election-stealing lawyer claims he sexually harassed her, coerced her into sex, and still owes her $2 million, is suing the former mayor. But the biggest allegation she’s making is that Rudy claimed he and Trump were selling presidential pardons for $2 million.

She and her lawyers claim they have recorded evidence for much of her allegations except for the pardon thing. Dammit. Dunphy filed a 70-page legal complaint yesterday in Manhattan.

Giuliani’s lawyer said Rudy “vehemently” denies the claim and “Mayor Giuliani’s lifetime of public service speaks for itself.” Ooooh, yeah…you might want to find another defense. Rudy’s public service of late includes him helping Donald Trump try to steal an election, lying in court repeatedly, farting during state legislature hearings, conducting press conferences with hair dye running down his face, conducting one press conference at Four Seasons Landscaping next to a dildo shop because he confused “Four Seasons” for the hotel, and had his license to practice law suspended in New York and Washington, D.C. Yes, Rudy’s public service certainly does speak for itself. You might want to tell it to shut up, Mr. Lawyer Man.

Also, if you saw Borat II, then the allegations against Rudy are very believable.

Dunphy says she has numerous audio recordings of Rudy making sexual comments, demanding sex, and making sexist, racist, and antisemitic remarks. The complaint also includes screenshots of suggestive text messages she claims are from Rudy.

The lawsuit claims Rudy hired Dunphy in January 2019 and promised to pay her $1 million per year for her consulting work which he called a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” Get over yourself, Rudy. Then, after she started working for him, Rudy told her that he couldn’t pay her until he settled his divorce from his third wife, the one who is not his cousin.

Dunphy also claims that Rudy started making sexual advances, including kissing her in the back of an SUV on her first day and demanding that she take care of him sexually, sometimes while he was on the phone with high-profile friends and clients. She also claims that Rudy would demand she work in a bikini or in American flag-themed shorts he bought for her, and he urged her to strip naked for him during video meetings.

I really want to hear the audio recordings…and then I’ll probably have to take a shower after.

I hope Rudy doesn’t have Martha’s phone number.

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