In a stunning triumph North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has won re-election to the North Korean legislature. He managed to win 100% on 100% turnout in his legislative district which means nobody in that district will die of lead poisioning tonight.

Observers tensely await the outcome in the other districts to see how many other seats will be decided by 100% vote with 100% turnout. Some may only manage 99.99% results if they did not campaign enough.