My Treatment Begins with Gratitude

You can never know what good will come of bad and so I give thanks for everything.
~ Michelle Tocher, Storyteller, Teacher, and Writer

With this quote in mind, I begin my first day of treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Care Center. My brother drives me to the Care Center. My brother drives me to the Care Center at a little before 7:00 a.m., and he will pick me up by 4:00 p.m. My first stop is a blood draw and a nurse checks my vital signs. My blood pressure is elevated. Hmmm. I’m bit not conscious of being anxious; however, my body is not keeping any secrets.

Next, I see several nurses and one of my oncologists. I am feeling fine.

A nurse leads me to the chemo waiting room. Now, I sit here, waiting, for a very long time. Finally, my name is called. I’m relieved to begin. The design of the chemo treatment room has been planned with care for the patients’ well-being, not just for their medical needs. For instance, in my individual treatment room, there is a big window in front of me that overlooks trees with their emerging new leaves. I lean back, and my eyes are naturally drawn through the window to take in the outdoors. I delight to look upon this beauty and I immediately feel the natural healing and calming effects of nature.

Next, an amazing nurse, Claudia, gives me several shots and sets up two different infusions. She explains that one is for the actual chemo and the other is for supportive substances. The shots are painless. And I’m astounded to find that I barely feel anything the two times she inserts the needles into the veins in my hand for the infusions. When I mention how surprised I am, she says, “Well I have been doing this a long time.” The treatment lasts a little over two hours and throughout the entire experience, I am relaxed. The treatment is painless and I enjoy the experience, even though I am stuck several times with needles. Claudia is so good at what she does. What I might have anticipated as negative, is not a negative experience at all! In fact, I am thankful for my first experience of chemo.

Breakfast has long past and I am hungry. Conveniently, there is a café here. I enjoy a delicious chicken noodle soup and a yummy rice pudding for dessert.

Radiation is next. In a dressing room, I put on a gown, and wait for someone to come for me. Once in the treatment room, I climb up on a table and settle into a mold of my body that has been specifically made for me. The mold will allow me to remain in the same position for all thirty times that I will have radiation. “Thank you for asking what kind of music I want to listen to. I’d like classical today,” I say to the radiation technologist. Once I’m in the machine, the music comes on, and I keep my eyes closed. I am not exactly sure how the machine circles around me, but I relax and stay still. In what feels like a short time, the treatment is finished.

The table I am on is being pulled away from the machine. My first day of chemo and radiation ends. I imagine there will be uncomfortable situations that will happen over the next six weeks of treatment. I understand there will be side effects such as a possible rash, difficulty swallowing and fatigue. I know from experience that negatives often lead to positives. If negative situations do occur, I will remember to give gratitude for them. My intuition is that five years from now I will look back on this life experience and I will be grateful for the difference this journey has made in the trajectory my life. Yes, I am beginning my gratitude now.

This is republished from Jane Knox’s blog, The Ageless Goddess.