An Ageless Goddess principle, based on the Divine Feminine, is that connection and mutual understanding are more important than separateness. We’re called on to build a bridge of understanding when we are on differing sides. But bridging conflict and differences involves risk-taking, and it scares me. I want to avoid this. Sometimes, I don’t speak up when I feel strongly about something, because I don’t want to alienate the other person. Has this ever happened to you?

I’m feeling strongly about the death of George Floyd, and I’ve blogged about the way Black males and females have been unfairly treated by the police. A reader recently challenged me by saying she doesn’t understand why people are making a hero out of George Floyd. After all, he’s been in prison. I basically replied, thanks for sharing.

But, the Ageless Goddess inspires me to do more. One of the actions I’m taking is to participate in Bystander/Upstander training. In this safe environment, I’m practicing new skills for engaging in conflict and engaging with different perspectives.

Basically, the idea of the training is for one person to get a chance to fully express their point of view while the other person commits to being a listener. Then, it’s the other person’s turn to talk and be listened to.

I want to share with you how I have learned to express myself with a committed listener. Imagine that I am having the following conversation with the reader of my blog:

Me: You asked why people think George Floyd is a hero.

Reader: Yes. I just don’t get it. George Floyd was a criminal. He’d been in prison before. The day he died, the police had been called because he had been accused of passing a counterfeit twenty dollar bill.

Me: I don’t care what he had done before. According to the American way, a person is innocent until proven guilty in any court of law. A cop has NO right to take it upon himself or herself to judge. A cop has no right to punish anyone, even if it seems evident they have committed a crime.

Reader: I see your point.

Me: I actually think George Floyd is more of a martyr. He’s a symbol of all those who have been killed––or not protected––by racist cops.

Reader: Why do you say martyr?

Me: A martyr is someone who has been persecuted for a cause, for a reason larger than themselves.

Reader: And what is that?

Me: It is the “crime” of simply being a Black person.

Reader: Oh!

Me: That policeman had no right to mercilessly pin George Floyd down and ignore his cries for help.

Reader: What if he were resisting arrest?

Me: He wasn’t! And Black men do resist sometimes because of fear of how they’ll be treated by the cops. It reminds me of a long time ago when I was working in NYC. A policeman told me that when they pick up a “n——” they work him over, beat him up. I asked, ‘What if he isn’t guilty of anything?’ His answer was, ‘If he’s not guilty of this, then he’s guilty of something else.’ Of course, what the cop meant was, the man was just guilty of being Black––as if that were a crime.

Reader: So why do you think some cops think that way?

Me: Well, my father used to give me a bad time by saying, “Blacks are more like apes.” He was saying that Blacks were subhuman.

Reader: Sounds like your father was racist.

Me: Yes. That cop was out to get Black males. It’s like Black males are prey. George Floyd was prey.

Reader: Really?

Me: The cop behaved like an animal. George Floyd kept saying, “I can’t breathe.” And, the cop kept his knee right there on George’s neck. It seems the cop was like an animal in the wild. It gets ahold of its prey and doesn’t let go until the prey is dead.

Reader: Wow!

Me: In the meantime, George calls for his mother. How could the cop not be touched by the humanity of someone calling for his mother? We all want our mother at times when we feel so threatened.

Reader: That was touching.

Me: George’s humanity was evident. The cop acted like an animal. The predator was less than human.

The advantage of this Bystander/Upstander training approach is that each person gets to fully express their point of view and truly listen to the other. Practicing the dialogue this way gave me a chance to actually understand my own point of view better. By being willing to be challenged, instead of shutting down, as I engaged with this difference of opinion, I became clearer about my own point of view. Now, I realize why I feel so strongly, what my values are, and what I feel is at stake in the death of George Floyd: our humanity.

This is cross-posted from Jane Knox’s blog The Ageless Goddess