Dear Ted Cruz:
For a person who wants to become the next President of the United States, you sure have a funny way of campaigning.
You need to win the 2016 New York Primary if you want to win enough delegates to become the GOP presidential nominee. So, what do you do? You insult New Yorkers by criticizing their values.
Seriously, Ted, you act like you are a graduate of the Don Rickles School of Charm. Perhaps you are.
Recently, ABC News published a story in which New Yorkers gave their own descriptions of New York values, and they are unlike the spin that you have given in response to the criticism that you have received.
To make matters worse for you, New York values were highlighted in the popular SYFY movie Sharknado 2, during which New York values were put in a positive light. Sure, that movie is fictional, but the New York values displayed in it aren’t.
Perhaps that is why (according to a Fox News story) John Kasich is more popular in New York than you are. He doesn’t go around biting the hand that he wants to feed him.
Then again, much of your success so far isn’t due to people actually liking you, but due to people disliking Donald Trump more than they dislike you. Indeed, the headline of a CNN story declares, “Despite Wisconsin win, GOP senators in no rush to back Cruz”. If your GOP Senate colleagues actually liked you, then they wouldn’t be afraid to endorse you.
If by some miracle you were to become the GOP’s presidential nominee, then New Yorkers will remember what you said about their values come the general election.
By the way, in case you haven’t noticed, those same values are shared by general-election voters in other states. They, too, will remember what you said.
In your defense, I will say that it is possible to be elected POTUS without having support from New Yorkers. After all, George W. Bush was elected in 2000 without New York’s support. However, he wasn’t the GOP’s default candidate. Unlike you, Bush was actually liked by the people who voted for him.
Oh well. This time around, who actually ends up on the general-election ballot may not matter, because plenty of voters would rather deal with a sharknado than deal with any current presidential contender.
Hey, if you don’t become the next POTUS, then perhaps you can be in Sharknado 5 should it be made. With any luck, you could be eaten by a shark. I’m certain that plenty of Americans would vote for that.
The “Wanted” posters say the following about David: “Wanted: A refugee from planet Melmac masquerading as a human. Loves cats. If seen, contact the Alien Task Force.”