Wag the Dog? No. First, Kick the Dog.
February 23, 2017
Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Super Baby DonDon’s diary. The series imagines that President Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Super Baby DonDon.
I know you’re asking: why is Super Baby DonDon being so mean? Why am I threatening to deport all illegals? Because if millions of illegals soil their pants this could stimulate demand for clothing and laundry services. Also, it’s Trumponomics 101: if we get rid of Latinos who do jobs Americans don’t want, then Americans will do the jobs Americans don’t want! Yes! Everyone will be unhappy, but the unemployment rate will fall to 2% and I will win reelection in a genuine landslide.
Remember I said during campaign that transgender people had the right to “use the bathroom they feel is appropriate”? Well, guess again. I’m going to leave this to the states, and you know what those red states will do. So, yeah, I just kicked transgender people in the nuts. (If, that is, they have nuts. Sometimes you have to look real close and it can be so confusing.)
Here is our new strategy in a nutshell, as it were. First, kick the dog, which means maximize suffering for people who are totally different from me and my cabinet. Then shoot the dog. Finally, when necessary, wag the dog. In this era of fake news, we are going to give you a fake war that you are just going to love!
Oh, Steve Bannon just told me it will be a real war. Whatever.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes an anti-Trump humor page at www.babydondon.com or https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.