TICKTOCK, TICKTOCK

My Dear Fellow Americans,

As we await the next mass shootings let’s put things in perspective and have the courage to call a spade a spade.

This never was and never shall be a gun control issue. How can the gun lobby which pours so much money into our economy be blamed? How can the advancement of technology and science with the refinement of weapons into more lethal, rapid firing assault kind be blamed? Whosoever does that is simply against the growth of our economy and advancement of our sciences.

If anything the Gun industry needs a pat on the back and be encouraged to keep coming up with the next level of deadlier and mass murdering weapons and keep them freely available so both the good and the bad guys can stay equally armed.

No wonder America leads the rest of the World and by some distance regarding these mass shootings for we are the most economically and scientifically advanced Nation of them all. Also, do not worry if they belittle us for they are envious of how efficient our killing prowess has become.

How can the lawmakers and the administration be blamed for their inaction in the face of these mass shootings? They have families to take care of, bread to put on the table, like the rest of us.

The second amendment is there for a reason and states, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

We need to be ready and loaded with weapons as the Russian, North Korean or ISIS armies may show up anytime in our backyards, and our neighborly militias would then need to step up and defend our country against them.

Let us come to the real issue. This is a mental health issue. The blame lies with the mental health doctors and personnel. The fault lies with the field of medicine for not doing better in diagnosing and treating the mass shooter’s state of mind. The blame lies with the pharmaceutical industry for lacking behind in R&D and not coming up with medicines to cure these evil minds.

The top two causes of deaths in America are Heart disease and Cancer. Cardiologists and Oncologists should be blamed much more than the gun lobby.

We need to weaponize even more Americans for self-defense. Go back to the lawless wild west with gun-slinging cowboys and all. See it was lawless then for a reason. There was not enough firepower. Only some meek looking pistols and rifles. We can now all be armed with the modern assault weapons with hundreds of rounds of ammunition. Things can be much calmer, much better this time around. Let us scare away the next mass shooter. The anticipation of a tit for tat response is bound to dissuade them. After all, they do value their own precious lives for we always catch them alive after a hard chase.

Another solution to mass shootings lies in more of science as in replacing the futuristic mass shooters with robots and artificial intelligence or neutralizing their evil with implanting good chips. We can ask Hollywood to help us here, predict and identify such crimes before they happen.

The media needs to cool off too and stop overreacting to these mass shootings. All they are in for is sensationalism and round the clock coverage and we need laws to protect us from that.

For the countries which have stricter gun laws that have worked against mass shootings I just have one word. BORING.

Mass shootings usually happen to others. Chances that it would ever happen to you or me are minuscule. Even if it does, there is likely to be a good samaritan vigilante returning fire with fire. Just know, practice and remember when to duck. As long as the crazy mass shooter don’t get us, for the good bullets out of the good guns, even if they connect, are not likely to cause us any harm.

So as we all wait, fingers crossed, ticktock, ticktock, this ain’t that bad as it is made out to be.

Sincerely,

AA

This is a work of satire.

Dr. Arif Ahmad
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