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Posted by on Dec 7, 2008 in Media | 4 comments

Thirteen Ways of Looking at Chris Matthews (A Poetic Tribute)

Full disclosure:  embarrassing as it is to admit, I —like Nora Ephron—am practically in love with Chris Matthews.  This does not make me blind to his faults (with his Hillary-hatred topping my personal list), but it does impel me from time to time to compose a poetic tribute.

This one, for which I tender in advance my profoundest apologies to the late and very great Wallace Stevens,  was composed in honor of Matthews’ recently announced political aspirations and their (apparent)  soon-to-be-announced retraction.

Among a dozen talking heads,
The only voice one heard
Was the voice of Chris Matthews.


It was very wrong.
Like Chris M.
On the day of the flight-suit.

A thrill ran up Chris Matthews’ leg.
It was a small thread in the tapestry.

Chris Matthews and Hardball
Are one.
Chris Matthews and Hardball and Tweety
Are one.

He never told us it was fair:
His reviling of Hillary;
Or his shilling for Obama:
Chris Matthews ranting,
Or “in the tank.”

While sleeping on the train one day,
He was touched by dread.
The shadow of the Clintons
Flitted, to and fro.
He woke;
He remembered fear:
A Machiavellian ploy.

O Pennsylvania,
Surely you won’t re-elect Specter.
Can you not see how Chris Matthews
Talks circles round him
And all other contenders?

Specter’s homespun accents,
Fall lucidly on the ear, I know.
But I know, too
The high-pitched yawp of Matthews
Always prevails.

The other pundits fell silent when
Matthews held forth;
To argue would be futile.

At the sight of Tweety’s
Gigantic yellow head,
Even the bawds of symmetry
Would cry out sharply.

“Chris Matthews to run for the Senate,”
The reports all said.
Chills ran up our legs.
But did we mistake
A negotiating ploy
For settled fact?

Hardball is on now.
Chris Matthews must be shouting.
It was Obama’s victory,
He won it all,
And was the president-elect.
Chris Matthews said,
I’ll stick with Hardball.”


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Copyright 2008 The Moderate Voice
  • kritt11

    I’m a Matthews fan also- but I agree he certainly has a lot of faults. I was one of those Hillary supporters who wanted to throw my shoes at the TV every time he talked about her “screeching” or played tapes of her “clapping” at her rallies. The unkindest cut of all was, of course, when he said that she only won her Senate seat because NY voters felt sorry for her. So unfair and so untrue. Thank you MSNBC producers for making him eat those words. And yes Mattews would give Biden a run for his money with verbosity if he ever made it to the Senate.

    But yet, I love the show and I love his chatty-catty on-air personna. Pls let Specter stay on another term because we political junkies could not survive without a daily dose of our Tweety on Hardball.

    How would we know that the correct way to pronounce Cheney is Cheenee?

    How would we have figured out what Scooter and Dick were up to at the CIA in the prewar days?

    How would we have become the Obama Nation?

    Who would replay the clips of Tina Fey on SNL?

    Who else would Stephen Colbert accuse of eating too many potatoes?

    Who would replace Matthews as the worst dancing partner in the world on Ellen Degeneris?

  • DLS

    “Who would replay the clips of Tina Fey on SNL?

    Who else would Stephen Colbert accuse of eating too many potatoes?

    Who would replace Matthews as the worst dancing partner in the world on Ellen Degeneris?”

    The answer, Ms. K., is the person whom my very-liberal friend in DC (whom I’ll probably visit in the next few weeks as well as during the Inauguration), who was a Hillary Clinton supporter, cannot stand:

    Keith Olbermann

  • kritt11


    My worst nightmare is that MSNBC would replace Matthews with the smarmy, egotistical and smug (and thankfully now defunct) Tucker Carlson!

    And your DC friend and I think alike ( tho I can watch Olbie when he’s trashing Bill’o)

  • GeorgeSorwell

    I’d bet candidate Matthews would just love, love, love to have the support of none other than Hillary Clinton.


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