It’s hard to believe but it’s been a month today since Mom passed away. I have been confused by my emotions but I think I finally figured it out. As an engineer in the world of hi-tech for 35 years I have been downsized or layed off more than once. There is a void after that – you have to reinvent yourself. I was my Mothers caregiver for 10 years and the last couple of years it has been a 24/7 job. Suddenly I am unemployed. Unlike previous unemployment I don’t have to worry about the finances as I have investments and collecting Social Security but the void still exists and I still have to reinvent myself. Yes, I have kept busy – shredding years of documents and getting rid of junk but it’s not the same. When you watch someone die slowly for for months or years most of the grieving is finished when it finally happens – in fact as cold as it might seem it’s almost a relief.
I write this in part to clear my mind but I also hope it may help others.