A New Adventure Of Selig Cartwright, Goldman Sachs Washroom Attendant (In this episode, Selig congratulates Mr. B. on Goldman’s successful foreign policy initiative)
Selig, you’re back. Haven’t seen you in awhile. Long vacation?
Not a vacation, Mr. B. Convention. The annual Investment Bank Washroom Cleaners Expo in Paramus, New Jersey.
Rather like the big money guys get-together in Davos, eh Selig?
In more ways than one might expect, sir.
And I see your expo has inspired you with patriotic zeal, Selig. All that red, white and blue bunting you’ve hung on the toilet stall doors. In honor of July 4th, I suppose.
No, sir. In honor of our company’s own patriotic coup. How we advanced American foreign policy in North Africa.
Actually I don’t recall any really big thing we’ve done in that part of the world, Selig. I know we’ve helped countries in Europe like Greece pile on all the debt they wanted. But Greece isn’t in North Africa. At least I don’t think…
No, Mr. B. Not Greece. Libya. NATO is bombing the place these days. But I read about how Libya came to Goldman awhile back and put more than a billion dollars of their sovereign wealth fund into one of our special deals. You remember that deal, don’t you sir?
Vaguely, Selig. We’ve helped so many countries with so many of these exceptional opportunities.
Well this one, according to reports I read, actually lost Libya 98 percent of its investment in just a few months. Well done, sir!
I hope you’re not being facetious, Selig.
Au contraire, Mr. B. Our company via the miracle of derivatives did far more to undermine that Gadhafi tyrant than NATO has done with all its bombs and rockets. I’m thinking now if only we could get Iran or North Korea of maybe Venezuela into some of these deals, maybe we could…
Perhaps it would be best if you left the foreign policy to experts in Washington, Selig, and investment decisions to Wall Street professionals.
Do you really think that’s wise, Mr. B?
It’s certainly wise from the perspective of your own employment, Selig. Now, is my favorite Stall 8 ready for use?
Yes, sir. The flat panel TV is set to Fox News, and the shelf is well stocked with Esquires. Just be careful not to let your jacket get caught on the bunting on the way in.
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