One of the strangest and possibly least noticed political stories of the week comes out of Utah, where State House Majority Leader Keven Garns (R-Layton) has resigned his office in the midst of what is being described as a “hot tub scandal.” This might have quickly passed through the maw of the 24 hour news beast as just another “scumbag politico gets caught” story unless we take a moment to dig a bit deeper into the details.

On the surface it looks pretty simple. A picture comes to light of an adult male – currently a prominent politician – having himself a nude hot tub party with a 15 year old girl named Cindy Maher. The public is rightly enraged and the Speaker is rapidly hounded from office on a very public stage. My immediate reaction, as always, goes a bit further. If you’re an adult man and you’re found having sex (or any sort of related activity) with a fifteen year old child, you should lose a lot more than your office. You should be tied to a phone pole while the parents, friends and family members of the child get to take turns hitting you with a half-brick tucked into a sock. And there’s nothing in the story to come which turns Mr. Garns into a noble figure worthy of our sympathies. But there is a bit more beneath the surface.

First of all, the event took place roughly 25 years ago. This doesn’t factor into the debate too much, since I’m not up to date on where Utah’s state laws stand on statute of limitations questions. But assuming our young victim, now an adult, locates the perpetrator of her childhood abuse, she should be able to quickly notify the police and get some measure of satisfaction, right? Even if he can no longer be prosecuted, he can be punished in the court of public opinion as seems to be happening now. So we’re all set, yes?

Not so fast there, skippy. There are a few more details to come. Again, if you were the woman in question and you had located your childhood abuser in a high profile government position, would you:
1. Go to the police
2. Contact the state government to expose him
3. Go to the press to bring the incident to light
4. Demand some hush money

The Tribune gives us a hint as to which option Ms. Maher selected.

In 2002, when Garn, a Republican, was running for Congress, [Maher] began contacting reporters and Garn arranged to pay her $150,000, provided she sign an agreement not to go public with the incident. She signed a nondisclosure agreement and Garn paid her the money in 2003, well after he had lost the Republican congressional primary.

But a week ago, Maher began sending e-mails to state legislators and reporters laying out her allegations. In an interview with The Salt Lake Tribune , a shaken Garn admitted her story was essentially true. With the news about to break, Garn made an emotional statement from the House floor Thursday night, with his wife by his side, apologizing to his colleagues and constituents.

Again, just to be clear, there’s nothing in this story that turns Garns into a hero here. There is some “he said, she said” to it, of course. Garns claims that he was in the tub but there was “no sexual contact.” Maher said, “there was touching and physical contact, but declined to elaborate.” Even if Garns’ version of the story is 100% accurate, he wasn’t smart enough to get up and leave when a child entered the area and began undressing, so he’s too stupid to hold public office. If Maher’s story is the correct one, we’re back to the half-brick in a sock scenario.

But I’m a bit put off by the young lady’s tearful exhortations about the importance of this story and how it can help young women everywhere.

“I hope Kevin knows I never meant to hurt anyone, but the truth had to come out,” she said Saturday morning in a phone interview from her New Hampshire home. By working with women in crisis or the mentally ill “he can turn this thing around to something positive. … He could really help a lot of people,” she said.

Seems to me that he already started helping at least one of those “lot of people” back in 2003 to the tune of $150,000. I’m sorry, but the moment you decided not to go public and deposited that check, you effectively put yourself in the position of a blackmailer. You weren’t interested in helping any other women for the last seven years. You were busy helping yourself to a pot of cash. And that pretty much removes the mantle of crusader for womens’ rights from your shoulders. Garns may have been a scumbag and possibly a criminal pedophile at that, but by taking the hush money you lowered yourself down a lot closer to his level. And, frankly, I don’t care what sort of extenuating circumstances may have existed. You took the money. End Of Story.

It’s good that this event has been exposed and Garns has exited stage left, but I wouldn’t start printing up t-shirts with Maher’s photo on them just yet.

You may now sharpen up the pitchforks and tell me what a horrible, sexist, pedophile apologist I am. Have at it.