These days many people are confused by economic reports for a very simple reason: The terms employed by pundits don’t comport well with their traditional meanings. So here’s a dozen updated definitions that will allow you to better understand what’s been going on in the markets.
Economic Recovery — A period when things get worse more slowly between two periods when they get worse very quickly.
Jobless Recovery — An oxymoron rather like “sickly health,” currently much favored by economists who still have their own jobs.
Wall Street — A very wealthy, sparsely populated gated community surrounded by very angry hoards of people living in much diminished economic circumstances.
Analyst Expectations — Guesses made by people whose estimates are much welcomed and heralded when exceeded, but largely ignored at all other times.
Bonuses — Contractual obligations that reward the undeserving, these days often disguised as increased salaries, stock options, exceedingly generous pension benefits, or temporary fellowships at the U.S. Treasury.
The Street’s Best And Brightest — Neither.
The New Normal — The old poor.
Recession Stock Rally — A kind of financial road race in which all the drivers end up winning while most owners end up with big loses.
Ben, Larry & Tim — The present day version of Moe, Larry and Curly in business suits.
Regulatory Reform — Changed requirements so watered down and riddled with loopholes that the economic recovery (see definition above) now being brought about by The Street’s best and brightest (see definition above) isn’t hindered by economic reality (see definition below).
Lagging Indicators — Economic benchmarks whose importance is downgraded lest they tell a tale different from the indicators being used by officialdom to spin a happier scenario.
Economic Reality — The morning after when everyone says: “next time we won’t believe that this time it’s different.”