UPDATE: Miss Ling and Miss Lee are said to be aboard an aeroplane along with Bill Clinton, heading for California where their families await them. Yay. Safe journey to all. ….. But, the feat is not Bill Clinton’s alone. Here is today’s article about how Miss Ling’s sister, well known journalist Lisa Ling used the polite form of apology and supplication publicly to ask North Korea to have mercy on and free her sister and colleague:

………Apologizing for rather than tersely demanding release of prisoners? Laura Ling and Euna Lee, reporters for Al Gore’s “Current TV” media venture were arrested in March 2009, for having allegedly crossed to the wrong side of the Chinese-North Korean border

Both women were sentenced by North Korean Court in June to 12 years of hard labor for illegal entry and engaging in “hostile acts.” The North Koreans have been resistant to changing their prison sentences.

Lisa Ling is the sister of Laura who is being held in North Korea. Lisa Ling who remains in the United States, is the in-depth investigative journalist who left the Barbara Walters’ television show, “The View” to take on challenging and hard stories about children sold into sex slavery, women exiled after rape during war and other human atrocities. Her work is often showcased by Oprah Winfrey show.

The Ling family is Chinese-American…

and seeing Miss Lisa Ling at television news conferences in the USA recently, pleading for release and the return to USA of her sister and her sister’s colleague… was galvanizing because of Lisa Ling’s understanding of Asian manners.

There was no accusation in her requests to the North Korean government. There was no brio. There was little, “We hope you return them to us.”

Instead, most was apology. ‘We are sorry the two women accidentally came over a border they did not realize was North Korean ground. We are sorry for any displeasure, disfavor or upset this caused.’

Lisa Ling’s tone for her sister’s and colleague’s release… was conciliatory and knowing about ceremony and sense of dignity toward and inside a different Asian culture.

Over the decades, many have strained trying to understand why certain formalities must be met in the old ways in certain Asian cultures. Let’s just get down to business, they say. Quit all that bowing, groveling stuff.

But that’s not it at all. Acting ritually and sincerely to meet certain Asian’s senses of propriety, is not only a display of courtesy; it is a display of power, power to bridge, power to negotiate — saying… By following certain ritual, by showing proper courtesies, by saying words that may sound weak to other cultures than this Asian one… even if you are my opponent, I clearly demonstrate to you that I have well disciplined restraint in my interactions with you…. and that I expect, because it is time-honored…that you will, in all peace and thoughtfulness, return the same considerations to me and my requests of you.

That is what such apologies are about at core. There are many meanings attached to apologies, depending on the culture that weighs such matters.

Are there Asians who cannot or will not respond to such conciliation? Yes. But one can be sure that without the ritual salve that acts as an anti-inflammatory… little can be accomplished with those of an ancient culture, even amongst those of that other culture who would have been more than willing to begin with.

The understanding Lisa Ling showed toward the North Koreans helped and did not impede negotiations for release of her sister and her colleague.

Bill Clinton is in North Korea on this mission to negotiate the release of the two women, as we speak. If anyone can bridge this old culture, based on previous close-in alliances made there long ago, he can do it. Some leaks have said there is headway made already. President Obama’s office says no comment unless or until both women are in protective US custody or on soil. I would honor that seal.

There’s yet a long way to go to understand the odd ways of other tribes. Not setting aside wrong-doing. Not at all. But, having a real chance at arighting many wrongs with those who are at least half-interested in conciliation. Takes patience. Knowledge. Not just condemnation. Not taunting or threat. But neither Kum-bay-ah. We are at the short end if we cannot tell how to balance all of these in accurate measure… if we dont know the rituals of others, the wherefore and why.

Lisa Ling laid out a lesson for us. Even though her tone of voice and apologies were counter to most of our USA-taught basic ‘first reactions.’ Her entreaties were, I believe, effective. Her way of seeing it, and displaying same, is what in this particular case, will help the most.

Stay tuned…