Some readers emailed me asking why I haven’t posted as much over the past two weeks. Here’s part of the answer:
President Barack Obama’s controversial former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, is blaming “them Jews” for keeping him from speaking to the president.
Wright, the former pastor of Chicago’s Trinity United Church of Christ, said he hasn’t spoken to Obama since he became president.
“Them Jews ain’t going to let him talk to me. I told my baby daughter that he’ll talk to me in five years when he’s a lame duck, or in eight years when he’s out of office,” Wright told the Daily Press of Newport News following a Tuesday night sermon at the 95th annual Hampton University Ministers’ Conference.
So now I’ll admit it: it’s tough being Jewish. I have so much TO DO. I’ve been busy the past two weeks keeping Obama from speaking to Wright, and also from appearing on Rush Limbaugh’s show, going out for beers with Sean Hannity, and attending a bris with Joe Lieberman.
On that one, Obama wouldn’t have liked it anyway: Lieberman arranged for the bris to be performed on Obama.
I’m still debating whether I’ll let Obama see Michelle tonight or not. If he doesn’t like my decisions, tough: I’m in control here.
I’ll admit I have a very faulty memory, but from what people tell me, if I take it all together, I’ve been very busy because I control all the banks, write all of the comedy shows you see on TV and the jokes for the best comedians, own the U.S. Congress, control American foreign policy (if Hillary thinks SHE’s going to decide policy she has another guess coming), make all the decisions for all the banks I own throughout the world, and tell blogs which posts from other blogs to link to and not link to because all blogs take orders from ME and I have a secret blacklist that determines a blog’s hits or lack of hits.
And, most importantly, and — most importantly of all — keeping Chinese restaurants in business (that one is a given).
So now you know.
If Wright is nice to me and stops going public about my control of the world, I may give him a few — I repeat FEW — minutes with Obama.
Or maybe I’ll just order Lieberman to have Wright replace Obama at that bris.
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.