August 22, 2016
Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s campaign diary. The series imagines that “Mr.” Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.
I am so mad at the hosts of Morning Joe, Joe “Benedict Arnold” Scarborough and Mika “Zika” Brzezinski, and today the pimple just exploded. Zika Mika said I was shriller than Crooked Hillary and she said that on Saturday in Fredericksburg, VA, I sounded as if I’d “had a lot to drink.”
I just want to scream. She knows I never drink, the witch. Well, I disemboweled them with some vicious tweets. And I outed them as an item, which is why I think Zika Mika recently got divorced.
Do you want to know what is making Baby DonDon so mad he feels like throwing rocks at children in playpens the way I used to do when I was young? For almost a year, Joe and Mika sucked up to me like crazy and they were so, so, so proud that they took my campaign seriously before a lot of the other turdswaddlers in the media. And they’re still proud—proud, proud, proud—only now they’re dumping on me like a like I’m a terrorist.
For a year I did nothing but goose their ratings and now they call me a racist and a loser. They are not showing me the thing I value most—and that’s loyalty. Instead, they are showing me the thing I value least—and that’s honesty. Well, I’ll tell you where they can stick their honesty.
The good thing about the fact that they’re always together is that I can take them out with one nuke instead of two. At this stage of the campaign, I have to conserve my resources. Or better yet, maybe they should get an agonizingly slow death, like in that famous short story I was once supposed to read for school. You know, lure them to a place and then build a wall that seals them in so they eventually suffocate or starve to death, whichever comes first.
And then for weeks MSNBC, a network that should also die a slow death, that I can tell you, will be asking, “Did Joe and Mika come in today? Did anyone see Joe and Mika?”
And the answer will be NO!!!!!!!!!!!
Always NO!!!!!!!!!
Walls are nice.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes a daily anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.