Will God tell Herman Cain to run for President again?
Despite what millions of people through the centuries, and holy men and women from both religions, think and assumed, apparently God has real political favorites, according to Herman Cain. And, he now says, he’s ready to run again if God asks him to.
Don’t be fooled: if he runs again it will NOT be to boost his speaking fees, sell books, or bolster his value as a cable talking head or radio personality. It’l be because the man (or woman) upstairs actually belongs to a political party and has an ideology and has favorites, and Herman Cain is part of a grand plan — the same plan God had for Adam and Eve, Moses and Hebrew National salami (which if you’ve tasted it TRULY must answer to higher authority.)
The pizza magnate, who at one point topped all Republican challengers during the 2012 Republican presidential primary before dropping out amidst allegations of multiple affairs, suggested on Saturday that he would return to the campaign trail in 2016 if called upon God to do so.
“I do not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. And I trust in God,” the Georgia restauranteur said at the annual Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans, as quoted by the Washington Post.
If God tells him to run, God will be giving Herman Cain a break. For years he made lots of dough in the pizza biz. But yours truly and many people from Connecticut would argue that the only heavenly blessed pizza is THIS PIZZA.
If Cain does run — alas — he’d face the earthly political hubris of the last race: intense scrutiny about his 9-9-9 tax idea, old allegations about sexual harassment and further questions at debates and by the media to test his knowledge of world events and places (tests he often failed last time no matter how much he tried to handle it with humor). And the competition for 2016 is likely to be stiffer than in 2012.
So watch the news. If Herman Cain runs, it means he got the go ahead from someone more powerful than even the Koch Brothers.
Graphic via shutterstock.com
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.