Each of us is instructed by the events and experiences of our lives. In Part I of “Newbie and the Snake” I related the events of last Friday where talking to a rabbit grazing in the yard saved my wife from a painful snake bite and a trip to the hospital. Since then I’ve had the weekend to ponder whether there are broader lessons in this account or perhaps, less grandiosely, a reminder of a lesson long taught, but not always understood, by mothers throughout history.
No, Newbie the rabbit doesn’t speak. I’m not (yet) loopy enough to believe that rabbits talk. But, we do communicate. With Newbie in the yard, I open the door slowly and quietly, walk and sit without sudden movements and speak in a soft, reassuring voice. For hir part, Newbie demonstrates through physical demeanor and, yes, facial expression, relaxation, trust and confidence in my presence. Hir ears perk up when I speak, s/he is comfortable laying full out on hir belly in the dirt bed just four or five feet from me, and will look my way, without fear, from time to time.
Here’s where your mother’s voice comes in, “Listen to me. I’m talking to you.” And, that’s what’s been lost in so much of our discourse. Listening. We talk at each other, over each other, past each other. We’ve stopping listening. We hear the words being spoken, but not because we are listening to one another. We hear the words only to find those few bits we can use to rebut the “other’s” position, not to respect or understand the person’s communication.
Yes, I’ll lay some of this at the feet of modern technology, but not all. The expansion of television to include dedicated partisan cable with its talking heads spouting one sided opinions doesn’t instruct us in conversation or balance. And, with all of the texting and blogging that happens in anonymity, behind screen names, and without knowing or even meeting the other person, opinionated posturing and often rudeness can become second nature. Oh, don’t think I’m preaching from the holier-than-thou pulpit. I’ll gladly admit that I am often at the front of the sinner’s line on this one. But, posturing and hearing words only to rebut are not real conversation.
Real conversation is like love making. It’s not something you do “to” someone; it’s something you do “with” someone. The argumentative posturing of the internet is the equivalent of masturbating to porn, self satisfying, but anonymous and missing the love, respect and humanity of a relationship.
The best communication comes about with the help of a gentle touch, a little smile, being able to see the passion in the eyes or subconsciously assess the non-verbal cues of the person with whom the communication is taking place. Sure, a strategically placed smiley face in a blog comment helps. But, have you noticed how often the intended joke, or smile, is lost on the recipient? It’s no surprise that we seem to spiral ever deeper into partisan sound bites, an “I’m right and you’re wrong” discourse in spite of all the gnashing and wailing about how it should not be so.
It is not so, and cannot be so, because we are not listening, not really. Our anonymity detaches us from the humanity that is, or should be, part of conversation. Would you call someone a right wing whack job or a left wing nut while sitting together in your living room? Would you tell a person who supported health care reform that it was death panel legislation or accuse a conservative of being cold hearted and caring only about wealth and money while walking along a wooded path together?
It’s not all about technology of course. In live conversation we are prone to discount our listening quotient based on the “other’s” lack of formal education or station in life or political affiliation. But, if paying attention to a wild rabbit can save a woman from a venomous snakebite, surely even the least among us has some wisdom to impart.
Newbie, a rabbit with neither voice nor language, with only bodily affectations to communicate, reminded me. We don’t need to hear the words: we need to listen to each other.
Oh, one other question came to mind because of Newbie and the encounter with the snake. Do you believe in guardian angels…or guardian rabbits? I’m not sure, but I think I do.
Cross posted at Elijah’s Sweete Spot.
Contributor, aka tidbits. Retired attorney in complex litigation, death penalty defense and constitutional law. Former Nat’l Board Chair: Alzheimer’s Association. Served on multiple political campaigns, including two for U.S. Senator Mark O. Hatfield (R-OR). Contributing author to three legal books and multiple legal publications.