Shocking Post-Election Pseudo News!
After months of anxiety over what might have been, a wayward mind is haunted by new images arising from the near-Apocalypse:
*Florida secedes from the Union to avoid finalizing vote count.
*Romney releases 10 years of tax returns, noting: “If you losers had sharp accountants to send money offshore, you wouldn’t have paid anything either. And by the way, Bain’s earnings came from money-laundering.”
*Hollywood readies a political sequel to “Moneyball” with Brad Pitt as Nate Silver. Denzel is Obama. George Clooney dumbs down for Mitt. Julia Roberts cameos as Candy Crowley.
*Tom Delay guest judges a dance-off by John Boehner and Eric Cantor for 2013 Speaker of the House. The tanned one promises not to cry if he loses. If he wins, Cantor plans plastic surgery to remove his permanent smirk.
*Linda McMahon, the wrestling lady who blew $100 million in two falls for a Connecticut Senate seat, shops for a smaller state. Rhode Island?
*A.T.T. introduces a new time check for the impressionable. Dial 1-800-MITT and a familiar recorded voice asks, “What time would you like it to be?”