Toilet paper manufacturers sometimes come under fire for flimsy one- or two-ply rolls and they used to have to turn the other cheek, but now there’s good news for those concerned with the real bottom line: three-ply toilet paper.
If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that’s what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope.
Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.
The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as “ultra-soft” and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a “sanctuary for quality time.”
And why not? Once upon a time there were one-razor-blade razors. Now there are two, three, four and perhaps 8 -blade razors in America’s future.
Is it coincidental that news that extra-strength three-ply toilet paper comes along during one of the dirtiest presidential campaigns in American history?
No matter: it’s a big scientific development on the personal hygiene front, and researchers are flush with victory. Now the product exists. Will customers take the plunge(r)?
Joe Gandelman is a former fulltime journalist who freelanced in India, Spain, Bangladesh and Cypress writing for publications such as the Christian Science Monitor and Newsweek. He also did radio reports from Madrid for NPR’s All Things Considered. He has worked on two U.S. newspapers and quit the news biz in 1990 to go into entertainment. He also has written for The Week and several online publications, did a column for Cagle Cartoons Syndicate and has appeared on CNN.