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A New High in Right Wing Humor

As one of the regularly appearing authors at Pajamas Media, as well as here at The Moderate Voice, I am frequently called upon to employ the humor and satire tags, covering my occasional efforts to bring a smile to your faces during tough times in he political arena. But few, if any, of my efforts at comedy have been as funny as an entry this week from John Hawkins. “The Right Needs to Play as Dirty as the Left.”

Too often today, liberals are using below-the-belt tactics against conservatives and paying no price whatsoever. Meanwhile, those on the right like to pat themselves on the back for being above it all. This is like a boxer priding himself on never taking off his gloves while his opponent nearly beats him to death with his bare firsts. [sic] But in the end, there’s not much to be said for lovable losers. Conservatives should realize that fair play isn’t going to pay any dividends.

I’ll give you all a moment to dry your eyes and compose yourselves. I’m not sure where John got the idea for this piece, but it’s genius. If he’s running short on cash, Comedy Central may be interested in spinning off a miniseries based on it.

Let’s be clear, here: I’m not saying that the Left are saints and haven’t delivered their fair share of spit balls, mud slinging and low blows. They most assuredly have. But we’re talking about the GOP here. These are the folks who gave us the Willie Horton ad. Let us not forget the White Hands ad. And need we even bother to point out that this is the party which has now and forever edited our political dictionary to include “swift boating” as the lowest form of political assasination?

And, of course, this is the same John Hawkins who, during the last election, went on and on about how Barack Obama was a whitey hating, anti-white, white, white reverse racist, not to mention describing the president as some sort of “vapid Bambi.”

One is left wondering what Mr. Hawkins thinks Right wing criticism will look like when “the gloves come off.” Politics has been a dirty game for a long time, sir. Certainly as long as I can remember. (And that’s longer than you can, I assure you.) Efforts to paint one party or the other as being somehow timid about slinging mud at their opponents is transparent and futile.

  • LOL!!! I started out reading that post, and immediately thought it had to be satire. There's absolutely no shortage of The Nasty from the right, and his suggestion that they've been playing by "Marquess of Queensberry rules" had me in stitches. I'm surprised he didn't compare the right wing to Jesus, since he seems to think they've been turning the other cheek.

    OTOH -- his very first set of suggestions on how to play the game were not funny at all.

    Why don’t conservatives do opposition research on the journalists endlessly running stories about Bristol Palin and Joe the Plumber? Have they ever been arrested? Whom do they own property with? Have they ever been paid to do a speech for someone and then run a favorable news story about him? Certainly Keith Olbermann’s personal life is just as newsworthy as Joe the Plumber’s, and the details of Maureen Dowd’s life are just as noteworthy as those of Bristol Palin — are they not?


    I can't imagine a faster way to shut down journalism altogether.
  • JimTreacher
    I can't imagine a faster way to shut down journalism altogether.


    Accountability. What a concept.
  • ericdondero
    Finally, our Conservative cousins are getting some cajones. About time! We Libertarians have been reluctant to align with our old friends on the Right, not because of our differences on abortion, or drug legalization, but rather cause they've been to soft on the rising Fascism of the Democrat Party.

    Problem is Conservatives are too damned polite. They don't like to use vulgarities like we Libertarians do. They don't like to use terms like "Fascist," or "Communist," or even "Nazi," when it applies to their political opponents. But we Libertarians do. And for that, for the past few years, Conservatives have labeled us "extremist," or "fringe."

    Fine, Mr./Mrs. Conservative: If we're so fringe then we don't need to be working with you. We'll pitch our own Tent.

    Thankfully, a few Conservs get it, like John Hawkins. Which means there's great hope for the future coalition of Libertarians and Conservatives in fighting the Fascist Liberal Ruling Elite.
  • Come on, Jim. You can't be serious.

    You're actually telling me that if journalists run stories with which the other side (whichever side that is) don't agree, then those journalists should be ground up in the political mill of destruction? Do you really not see the freeze that puts, immediately, on any type of reporting at all?
  • Jim_Satterfield
    If you think the article is bad, check out the comments. See Mr. Treacher's concept of accountability. It's rather mild compared to what Hawkins' readers write. No more accurate, mind you.
  • If you want to stay sane, Jim, you've gotta stay out of the comments on sites hanging over the edge. That's a truism on both sides.

    OTOH -- I can see this thread going over the edge pretty quickly. Great post, Jazz!
  • CStanley
    I get the impression that the gist of the argument is that if you try to beat them at their own game, they'll wake up to how wrong the tactics are (at least in the case of the suggestion of investigating the journalists- I think the idea there is that those journalists would see that it's not so appropriate to say that someone who works in the public venue should have all aspects of their privacy overturned.)

    But of course it never works that way- instead, each side ups the ante and uses the vile tactics of their opponents as an excuse for their own.
  • We can keep playing the game of escalating rhetoric all we want. In the end, we all look foolish, unintelligent, and downright dumb. We spent 8 years watching President Bush be reincarnated by the Left as the 2nd coming of Adolf Hitler. And now we are going to spend the X amount of years watching President Obama get reincarnated as the 2nd coming or Che Guevara (and Stalin in some circles). Well right now, George "2nd Coming of Adolf Hitler" is chillin' at his ranch living the good life. Quite harmless. 'Nuff said.

    I have to ask all you escalating rhetoric folks something, do you realize, according to your warped world, we've elected Adolf Hitler Jr. and Che Guervara Jr. recently? America is great, indeed...
  • But hey, if we are going to do it wrong, let's to it right: AMERICAN STYLE! Let's make these political pundit smackdown events into television shows. Let's bring the best from the Punditville Left and the Punditville Right on a show and have the audience score points on who can out goat f@#$ each other rhetorically. Let's put it on SpikeTV with lots of alcohol, power tools, and personal protection commercials. I would be GLUED to the TUBE watching those shows.

    TOP QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT!
  • T_Steel -- I'm thinkin' we should just build some coliseums and go for broke.
  • You know Polimom, I think your right. Left Wing and Right Wing gladiators in a bloody combat and in HIGH DEFINITION! I'm getting all loopy just thinking about it. But I think, for more entertainment, the should only use blunt medieval weapons like clubs, maces, warhammers, and flails (I love the flail since if you don't swing it right it can come around and whack you as well). Shields and some armor should be used.

    First battle: Ann Coulter vs. Maureen Dowd!
  • JimTreacher
    You're actually telling me that if journalists run stories with which the other side (whichever side that is) don't agree, then those journalists should be ground up in the political mill of destruction?


    Don't ask me, ask Media Matters.
  • JimTreacher
    If you think the article is bad, check out the comments. See Mr. Treacher's concept of accountability. It's rather mild compared to what Hawkins' readers write. No more accurate, mind you.


    Quite so, old chap. If only we could all be as sophisticated and above the fray as you.
  • gregpiper
    Maybe Hawkins just means that conservatives won't call someone a "dumb bitch" for a simple disagreement on a controversial political issue. Or flip them off and spew profanity at their kids at a political rally. One side does seem to be much more comfortable with in-your-face invective.
  • JWeidner
    you're right Greg. It was VP Dick Cheney who told Sen. Leahy to "Go f@#k yourself" on the floor of the Senate. Certainly Perez Hilton's comments (how high has he risen in the Democratic machine these days?) vis a vis Miss California are comparable.
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