courtesy of Cagle Cartoons, Inc.
Buried in the avalanche of Executive Orders and proclamations issued by the president in recent days are several incredibly significant ones that have not received the attention they so richly deserve.
Here are a few of them.
On January 20, in keeping with his “Make America Beautiful Again” (MABA) edict, Trump issued a “Promoting Beautiful Federal Civic Architecture” Memorandum to the Administrator of the General Services Administration. The memorandum directs the Administrator to submit to Trump recommendations “to advance the policy that Federal public buildings should be visually identifiable as civic buildings…in order to uplift and beautify public spaces and ennoble the United States and our system of self-government.” No doubt that among the recommendations will be a gaudy, Mar-a-Lago-style White House with a McDonald’s drive-through, showers that “shower,” not dribble, and toilets that can flush a considerable amount of documents.
On the same day that Trump “restored” the Freedom of Speech in America, and put “People over Fish,” by opening up a “very large faucet” to allow water to flow to Southern California, he ended the “weaponization of the federal Government,” and paused offshore “Wind Leasing,” which has led “to grave harm, including to marine mammals.”
Trump also renamed the Gulf of Mexico, “the “Gulf of America” in order to “Honor American Greatness,” and to continue to Make America Great Again (MAGA).
And, on the fourth day, Trump surveyed and celebrated all the work he had done by issuing a proclamation praising himself for “The First 100 Hours: Historic Action to Kick Off America’s Golden Age.”
On February 7, Trump Made America Christian Again (MACA) by establishing a “White House Faith Office.”
On February 9, on the occasion of his first visit to the body of water that he had renamed earlier, Trump added insult to injury by proclaiming February 9 as Gulf of America Day and called upon Americans to “observe this day with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.” Although it is too late to celebrate “this momentous occasion” this year, I am sure next year there will be a huge celebration, along with celebrations of other expropriations: “Canada Day,” and “Panama Canal Day,” and “Greenland (Red, White and Blue Land) Day,” and “Gaza Riviera Day.”
Finally, also on February 9, by the authority vested in him as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, Trump decided to Make America Laugh Again (MALA) by ordering the end of the “Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws,” a burden that has been laying heavily on the shoulders of the American people.
With a stroke of his Sharpie pen, Trump made it the policy of the United States to end the use of “nonfunctional” paper straws, thereby removing the motive that “often forces users to use multiple straws,” and reversing a “ridiculous situation” where “on occasion, they break, they explode”
People who are concerned that plastic straws will pollute oceans and harm marine life should not worry because, Trump doesn’t think “plastic is going to affect the shark very much as they’re… munching their way through the ocean.”
