Mr. B. You’re early today. And forgive me for saying so, but you look terrible. Bad day in the markets? Europeans sniveling again about those Greek swaps? Bonus complaints? More bad A.I.G press?
No, Selig. it’s those fraud charges, that witch hunt. You heard about them?
I did hear something about that, sir. On the portable radio you let your washroom attendants listen to during work hours.
No need to thank me, Selig. We like to treat our help with the same fairness and consideration we use with our clients.
And people bless you for it, sir. But this fraud thing surprised me. How could anyone think Goldman Sachs would stoop to fraud just to make a few million extra dollars?
Who indeed, Selig. Who indeed. Yet when socialism takes hold in a new administration in Washington, craziness like this inevitably follows.
But don’t we have people at the Treasury who prevent these kinds of distractions? There’s that nice Mr. Geithner person…
Yes, Timmy has been most understanding when it comes to our operations and the modest sums we make from our labors. He put the kibosh on a special tax on our well deserved compensation, killed that transaction tax nonsense, and just the other day knocked down some crazy Senator’s idea to make us stop trading derivatives. Can you imagine, Selig? Keep a bank with access to the Treasury’s cheap credit window from getting bailed out when its derivative trading goes bad?
If that isn’t socialism, sir, I don’t know what is. But Mr. Geithner didn’t stop this fraud business. I don’t understand.
It’s a big government, Selig. And getting bigger all the time. Timmy and the Goldman alumni, along with the good old crowd from the New York Fed, pretty much run things at the Treasury. Do a damn good job, too. Unfortunately, they aren’t in place to see that things run right in some other government departments
Maybe if we shrunk the size of government and cut back on its ability to regulate, things would work a lot better.
Oh Selig, Selig, Selig. Coming down to this washroom restores my faith in the American dream. By the way. The weather is getting really nice. We give you some vacation time, don’t you?
A couple of weeks a year, sir. Though with the job market the way it is these days, I thought it prudent not to take any time off these last two years.
Well, do it anyway this year. And don’t worry. As long as we have washrooms at Goldman Sachs, they’ll always be a place in one of them for you. Where do you and the family summer, by the way, when you do take time off?
In Queens, sir. Where we winter, spring and fall.
In the same house?
Yes, sir.
You live all year in the same house? Extraordinary. Are there are others you’ve heard about, people who also manage this?
A fair number, sir.
Extraordinary. I can see how it would save on expenses moving staff from place to place. Still…Well enough of that now. Places to go. People to see, Deals to consummate. Clients to service the Goldman Sachs way. My usual stall ready?
Number 8 is ready for you as always. I took care of the bugs in the video hook-up. And I took the liberty of tuning it to ‘Judge Judy’ this morning. Show starts in a minute or two.
A good choice, Selig, What with one thing and another. An excellent choice…
To read more financial satire (some in verse) from this author: http://www.wallstreetpoet.com