October 26, 2016

Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s campaign diary. The series imagines that “Mr.” Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.

So NBC News has this new interview with Stanley Leibowitz, one of our former rental agents, who said that back in the day Dad told him we don’t rent to the N word. I was in the room and Leibowitz said I nodded my head in agreement.

OK, OK, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Baby DonDon denies this ever happened. In fact, Stanley Leibowitz doesn’t exist. He is a hologram and my surrogates can prove it, if you would only give them 24 hours of your time.

But the incident faux-Leibowitz describes casts light on why Dad was arrested at that 1927 Klan rally in Queens. Dad was there to support the First Amendment, to defend people’s right to use the N word. Was he a freedom lover or what?

Today, though, I’ve got bigger things on my mind, like trying to salvage my new Trump International hotel in Washington, D.C. The website says the hotel “offers the largest luxury ballroom, the largest presidential suite, and Trump signature programs for those bold enough to Think Big.”

Apparently, many people are thinking small, because the hotel is the Obamacare of the hospitality industry. It’s a disaster. And that’s so wrong! We feature The Spa by Ivanka Trump™, where you can get a Brazilian from a Brazilian. Remember, as our literature states, no one cares more about your pussy than Donald J. Trump. The spa offers intimate services for women, men, couples and, yes, threesomes. (Note: I reserve the right to walk in and see you naked.)

We are so proud of our Trump Pets program—some threesomes like to bring their own livestock—and our Trump Kids program. Yes, my kids will teach your kids about not being a LOSER. After the election, I may do guest lectures for Trump Kids.

Or not. Never forget that enrolling your scion in the Trump Kids program puts them on a glide path to entry into Trump University, that ultra-prestigious, unaccredited, temporarily non-existent non-university.

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes a daily anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.