October 20, 2016

Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s campaign diary. The series imagines that “Mr.” Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.

Earlier this week, Steve Schmidt of MSNBC said “The magnitude of the electoral catastrophe for Republicans that is upon them just really can’t be overstated.” And that was before last night’s debate.

Now Schmidt and others on both sides of the aisle say my refusal to promise I’ll accept the election results is beyond the pale.

But I’m orange, so what’s this stuff about “pale”? Hey, at least pale is white, so isn’t that a plus for me?

Rick Wilson, who is backing that McMuffin guy, says Republicans need me like “they need herpes!” Hey, as I’ve said, avoiding STDs was my Vietnam, so I have sacrificed. Half my net worth went up in condoms.

I didn’t know any of those women who accused me of sexual misconduct, even the ones I did know like the People magazine reporter and the Apprentice contestant. Folks, you believe me, don’t you?

Steve Bannon is thrilled that I am intent on destroying our democracy, but my reptilian children—Ivanka, Uday and Qusay—are not. They told me after the debate that what I destroyed was their hopes for elected office.

“Christ, Dad, now I’ll just have to concentrate on cheating our investors and vendors,” Uday said.

I guess that now goes for Baby DonDon too.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes a daily anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.