Many of us, during our travels across town or across country, have seen those sometimes hilarious, sometimes irreverent, but always interesting messages spelled out on marquee signs in front of businesses, restaurants, even churches.
They have made most of us smile, some of us frown and one or two of us just plain mad.
But while many of those messages remain boringly the same for weeks, months, even longer, the same cannot be said about the famous signs in front of the well-known “El Arroyo” Tex-Mex restaurant in the heart of “keep-Austin-weird,” Texas, the “last queso stop before a bunch of yoga studios.”
There is nothing “weird,” however, about the messages at El Arroyo as they convey profound, sagacious and, yes, witty, sometimes snarky thoughts and social commentary.
True to El Arroyo’s name (“The Creek,” but one that never runs dry), the signs provide a constant flow of concise and crisp analyses and critiques of life, society, even politics, rivaling what one might hear at London’s Hyde Park Speakers’ Corner – certainly presented in a pithier form than what is generally spouted from that soapbox.
There is also nothing boring about El Arroyo’s flow of advice on life’s most mundane and most perplexing issues, because, since 1987 the signs have been “refreshed” on a daily basis, making it a must for faithful sign “believers” to drive, bike, walk or “scoot” past the corner of West 5th and Campbell every day just to read the latest gossip, words of inspiration or just silliness bestowed on mere mortals by this famous sign-oracle.
While many restaurants might use their signs to promote their cuisine and libation, El Arroyo feels comfortable enough not having to do so since its Tex-Mex delicacies and “magnanimous margaritas” are already the talk of Austin. Still, some may be subliminally influenced to try El Arroyo’s Chile con Queso – “Simply the best in the universe” – by signs such as the one below
Someone else might be tempted to try something stronger, because “Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I hope it’s margaritas”
For those who succumb to the temptations and overdo it on the appetizers, there is a sign for that, too, submitted by someone who admits to his weakness, “Going too hard on chips & salsa B4 I get my food is my biggest flaw.”
Occasionally there is also some healthy eating advice, such as: “A well balanced diet is a taco in each hand.”
For those who just can’t stop drinking those margaritas, here is the ultimate rationalization: “I finally quit drinking for good! Now I drink for evil!”
Some sign messages suggest treating serious problems of the soul and the heart with, of course, queso y cerveza:
• Why be full of hate, when you could be full of queso instead.
• Tacos alone won’t fill the emptiness in your soul, you’ll also need beer.
Naturally, when one indulges too much at El Arroyo, to fill his or her emptiness of the soul, there may be a price to be paid. A price that could be reflected in the waistline and other parts of the Austinite body, as lamented in signs such as this one:
Some more:
• I set out to lose 10 lbs. this month…only 15 to go!
• Finally, all my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls.
As with everything else, El Arroyo has a solution for this common American problem. It’s called “The Tequila Diet: Lose 3 days in a week.”
Not all the commentary is on queso y margaritas. There is also commentary on unrequited love — “The only thing getting lit this wknd are my fall scented candles” — and on marriage:
• Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
• My wife said I never listen to her or something like that.
Also on what comes after love and marriage, parenting: “Silence is golden, unless you have a toddler, then silence is suspicious.”
On the respect children owe their parents:
• Respect your parents, they passed High School without Google.
• Treat your Mom to a margarita. You’re probably the reason she drinks.
This one is in a category all of its own:
In a city known for its diversity, where English, Spanish and Spanglish are widely spoken, opportunities for the use of puns, double entendre and just fun word-play are abundant.
There is no shortage of such bi-lingual humor in El Arroyo’s signs:
• In queso emergency I pray to Cheesus.
• Have a Tex-Mex emergency? Call 9- Juan-Juan.
• What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Aware that some may take offense to some of the “signage,” one sign says, “Good Morning world. What are we offended by today?” Another one, referring to some “strong” language that may have been used, “You call them swear words, I call them sentence enhancers.”
Politics is not off-limits:
• The only clowns I’m afraid of are the ones running for Pres.
• I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many elected.
And this one:
The triple-digit Austin summer temperatures are always a favorite topic:
• Dear weather, stop showing off. We get it, You’re hot
• It’s so hot, I almost called my ex, just so I could feel some shade. have
No self-respecting, up-to-date signage would be naïve enough as to ignore the e-society we live in. Here are some El Arroyo examples:
• Don’t worry password. I’m insecure too.
• Autocorrect makes me type things I didn’t Nintendo.
• Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a bad photo.
• Apparently, you can’t use “Beef Stew” as a password. It is not stroganoff.
Finally:
There have been hundreds of just good fun messages have appeared on the El Arroyo signs throughout the years. Here are just a handful of them:
• How do nudists clean their glasses?
• Dogs have masters. Cats have staffs.
• I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos.
• The worst part of parallel parking is the witnesses.
• I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.
And:
Every day a new message replaces the previous day’s one and the thousands of sage, witty, irreverent messages would have been lost forever, were it not for Cozumel Publishing which has collected and assembled the images and published three editions of “El Arroyo’s Big Book of Signs.”
Cozumel Publishing:
Thanks to all our followers for their support over the years…We love our marquee signs and hope we an continue to spread laughter for years to come!
While the humans behind most of the daily marquee messages remain a mystery for now, you can send in your own suggestion for a future sign at [email protected]
To be up on the “signs of the times” in Austin, please go to www.elarroyo.com/store to get your own copy of this conversation piece.
You can even suggest your own sign by emailing it at [email protected].
As a writer who has to constantly watch his punctuation, this is my suggestion: “ITS HARD TO USE CONTRACTIONS WHEN YOUVE APOSTROPHES WHO WONT HONOR THEIR CONTRACT”
Images courtesy of Cozumel Publishing.
