Remember when nobody liked an butt-kisser? Remember when the teacher’s pet was the least popular kid in school. What happened? Nobody respects a bootlicking toady but this goes beyond that. This is straight-up cultist.

A few Republicans in the House have introduced a bill to rename Dulles International Airport after Donald Trump. I first saw this story on Monday but I didn’t get past the headline because it was April Fools’ Day and I underestimated just how sycophantic and pathetic Republicans have become.

Dulles International Airport is in Northern Virginia 26 miles west of Washington, D.C. in Loudon and Fairfax Counties. A Metro line was recently added to Dulles after decades of wishes and promises, which I think is nice because it gives people like me who don’t own a car another option for flights. I flew in and out of Dulles last October. The Metro ride from Union Station to Dulles takes about 45 minutes which really sucks when a Chatty Cathy sits next to you for the entire journey which is what happened to me. At least he wasn’t a Trumper or I would have had to throw Mama from the train.

Anyway, Republicans want to take John Foster Dulles’ name off the airport and replace it with Trump. As one writer pointed out, they’re replacing a guy who worked to overthrow international governments with a guy who tried to overthrow one domestically. They’d also be replacing one Hitler fan with another.

I don’t have an attachment to Dulles being the name of the airport. If people want to change it, fine. And it should be changed since Dulles was a Nazi lover. But change it to something worthy. It’s bad enough we already have one airport in the region named after a bad Republican president, Ronald Reagan Washington National, which is very annoying because it’s a great airport for me. Trains are available to take me from my town straight to the airport. It’s awesome. I still call it Washington National. Reagan, who fired air traffic controllers, doesn’t deserve to have an airport named after him. It’s like naming banks after Bonnie and Clyde.

If an airport in a liberal region is going to be named after a fascist goon, then we should get to name an international airport in Texas. The goose-steppers will lose their shit having to fly out of Barack Hussein Obama International Airport. Fun fact: Donald Trump doesn’t have an airport named after him yet, but Harry Reid does.

Speaking of Hussein, Saddam Hussein had an airport named after him, so Trump won’t be the first fascist dictator to have an airport named after him.

The lead sponsor of the bill is Pennsylvania Rep. Guy Reschenthaler, who wrote, “In my lifetime, our nation has never been greater than under the leadership of President Donald J. Trump. As millions of domestic and international travelers fly through the airport, there is no better symbol of freedom, prosperity, and strength than hearing ‘Welcome to Trump International Airport’ as they land on American soil.”

Now I need a barf bag.

No better symbol of “freedom, prosperity, and strength” than Donald Trump? Screw you, Guy. People who incite insurrections, try to steal elections, and work to destroy confidence in democracy are NOT, let me capitalize that again in bold, NOT symbols of freedom.

Thankfully, there are House members who recognize this piece of sycophantic legislation for the piece of dog crap that is it, like Maryland Rep. Jamie Raskin who said, “If they name it after Trump, there could be continued round-trip service to Moscow.”

Virginia Rep. Don Beyer wrote that the sponsors know this bill will never pass and become law, but that the point is “to suck up to their Dear Leader.”

But the best response is probably from Virginia Rep. Gerry Connolly, whose district comprises Dulles, who said, “Donald Trump is facing 91 felony charges. If Republicans want to name something after him, I’d suggest they find a federal prison.” Connolly is wrong. After a few charges were removed in Georgia, Trump is only facing 88 criminal charges.

I think we should name a few things after Trump that are NOT airports. I like the prison idea, but how about a dog park? That way, dogs can crap on Donald Trump. What about a sewage treatment plant in honor of all the sewage that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth? What about Donald J. Trump Cracker Barrel?

Everything Donald Trump is attached to dies. His Truth Social stock is around $46 at this moment. Trump University and the Trump Foundation were scams. Trump Casinos went bankrupt. Trump Steaks and Trump Water are no more. And do you really want to name an airport after a guy who bankrupted an airline?

And why are Trump’s brown nosers trying to name something after him when other properties are trying to remove his name? Trump’s name is on a lot of buildings he doesn’t own, all through licensing deals. Owners and tenants have been trying to remove his name ever since he began his first racist campaign for the presidency. The brand hurts. Nobody but sycophants want to live in Shitler Towers, Gropen-Fuhrer Condos, or on=Von Clownstick Blvd.

At the very least, can’t Republicans wait to find out if Donald Trump is a convicted felon before naming an airport after him? And why should Republicans get to name all the airports in the Washington area? What’s next, renaming Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport to David Grand Wizard Duke International Airport?

And if they do rename Dulles for Trump, will he try to charge the government for using his name? Will he attempt to use the airport as collateral for loans and bail money? Will he think it gives him the right to grab all flight attendants by the pussy? Will there still be international flights to “shithole” countries?

Maybe we can compromise and call it Dullard International Airport.

Somebody get me a barf bag.

Watch me draw:

Visit Clay Jones’ website and email him at [email protected].