“How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?” – John Kerry before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on April 23, 1971

At some point in this space opera, it will dawn on all but the most demented that the universe is laughing at us in that grainy radio signal language heard by Ohio State University’s “Big Ear” radio telescope in 1977. The transmission is known as “The Wow! Signal”. The signal came from the direction of the constellation Sagittarius and appeared to have the signs of an intelligent life of extraterrestrial origin. “6EQUJ5” is all it said, but it sounded ironic.

For those who haven’t already figured it out yet, Donald John Trump is the latest manifestation of Kurt Vonnegut’s, Malachi Constant, the protagonist in his 1977 book, “The Sirens of Titan”. Constant is the richest man on earth and scion of an infinitely wealthy New England family that made its fortune by sheer luck. Constant inherited this unique characteristic – sheer luck – and dedicated his life to expanding his father’s vast fortune by big-footing his way across the planet, hoovering-up anything giving off the pheromones of moolah. Constant is an egregious blowhard who brags about the pleasures of his wealth and carries around a photo of one of his beauty-queen girlfriends named, Miss Canal Zone, as proof of his otherworldly virility.

There are lots of Martians in this story, and there is retribution for Malachi Constant’s unbearable personality. At one point, Constant’s memory is wiped clean, and he is sent to Mars to participate in the training of an invasionary force that will conquer earth. His new name is UNK, and he marches in formation to the words: “Rented-A-Tent” – words that are streamed into his helmet by radio signal.

For many, this retribution for Donald Trump’s unbearable personality and his Yeti-style ransacking of America is sweet in the way that all great ironies are devised to be. Cadet Bone Spurs marching mindlessly in formation on a dusty red planet, alternating between the U.S. Marine Corps’, “Slow March”, and “Mark Time”, a stationary march with the knees coming up parallel to the ground in the classic Goose Step favored by dictators the world over. The marching anthem, “Rented A Tent” forever replaces all of Trump’s superlatives: no more “unbaleevables”; no more “in-credibles”; and no more “baleeve mes”. And his go-to dismissal of scientific inquiry, – “People are saying” – bites the red dust of Mars as “Rented A Tent” replaces exceptionalism with similitude.

But getting Trump out of the White House means prying his jaws open so that America can drop to the ground with a well-deserved splat. That ignominious splat is what Thomas Paine meant on December 23, 1776, when he said: “What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives everything its value.”

On November 3rd, 2020, when Americans bust their way into voting booths and give Donald Trump and his imbecilic minions the rebuke they so richly deserve, I would like to like to stand on 5th Avenue with other Americans and say to those who stayed in the emergency rooms during this pandemic, caring for the sick and dying, and to the police officers who kept the peace while risking their lives – that we’re forever grateful for your decency and your courage.

And to all who come after us, all the new babies who are born into our newly restored system of self-governance, we’ll say:

We’re very very sorry for our laziness and our failure to protect the future of our country. We’re sorry for asking old people to die so that the children of the “lucky” can live. We’re sorry that we failed to find a higher purpose than accumulating power. We’re sorry that we stood helplessly as tens of thousands of Americans died so that one lying politician could preserve his shot at a second term in office. We’re very sorry that we’re leaving you with a broken democracy, with callous judges and cruel legislators who sold their souls for a bribe.

Deborah Long is a Principal at Development Management Group, Inc. and founder of several non-profit charitable organizations.  If you find her perspectives interesting, provocative, or controversial, follow her at:  https://www.facebook.com/debby.long.98499?ref=br_rs

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