December 22, 2016

Note to readers: This is the latest entry in Baby DonDon’s diary. The series imagines that President-elect Donald Trump has the emotional make-up of a five-year-old and confides his deepest thoughts—such as they are—to Andrew Feinberg, and to readers, every day. In his private moments, he always thinks of himself as Baby DonDon.

Remember how Super Baby DonDon said he was going to “drain the swamp”? Hah! And now Super Baby DonDon will let Goldman Sachs use the White House as a rec room?

Well, in case you missed my 180, Newt Gingrich told NPR yesterday I was now pro-swamp. He said I was now calling my anti-swamp rhetoric “cute.”

Because, as you all know, “cute” is my brand.

Wrong!!!

Folks, my new goal is to build the biggest, most amazing swamp you’ve ever seen. It’s Born on the Bayou time. It dawned on me that all my friends are in the swamp, that my family is one huge swamp thing. So, yeah, we will auction off coffees with my hot babe daughter Ivanka (costs extra if you want her in a low-cut top), face time with me, government contracts and regulation alterations. When it comes to crony capitalism, Super Baby DonDon wants to be YOUR crony. I want to be your friend.

Just pay me and I will be.

Did you see that yesterday I named Carl Icahn my adviser on regulatory overhaul? Well, today two of Carl’s companies that want less regulation (CVR Energy and CVR Refining) are seeing their share prices rise by 11.8% and 10.4%. So Carl has made like $100 million in a day and he hasn’t even done anything yet.

People, people, the next hundred mil could be yours! It’s called Pay to Play—and I know all about it.

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven (https://www.amazon.com/Four-Score-Seven-Andrew-Feinberg/dp/0692664009), a novel that imagines that Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. He also writes an anti-Trump humor page at https://www.facebook.com/MeBabyDonDon.