Headlines I’d Like To See In 2011

You won’t read the following headlines in newspapers or online this year. But that doesn’t mean if wouldn’t be a more interesting world if you did:

Cold Fusion Achieved In North Dakota Refrigerator

Congressional Republicans Opt To Focus On Compassion Toward Poor And Needy

Congressional Democrats Put Principle Above Expediency

President Obama Appoints Robert Reich As His New Lead Economic Adviser

Bin Laden’s Conversion To Judaism Surprises Many

Quarterly Financial Reports Somehow Fail To Exceed Analyst Expectations

Guilt-Ridden Top One-Percenters Assign Their Recent Income Tax Savings To Charity

Some New Wealth Created By Economy’s Growth Actually Does Trickle Down

Israelis and Palestinians Both Admit Their Past Policies Were Foolish And Self-Destructive

Anti-Corruption Drive In Afghanistan Succeeds

Indigent Individuals Allowed To Queue Up At Fed’s Lending Window

Global Warming Ceases In Response To Belief Of Many That It Doesn’t Exist

Regulation Finally Understood To Generate Innovation As Well As Costs

Food Prices Plummet, Inflation Checked, As Patriotic Americans Stop Eating

Abstinence Programs Convince Teens Not To Have Sex

Silliness Found To Dramatically Increase Life Spans

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