Is Christmas just for Christians?
It’s Christmas Eve, and Polimom has triumphed over procrastination again. The presents are ready (and even wrapped!), we have all the ingredients to bake Santa’s cookies, and the stockings are hung. Gifts have been arriving all week, steadily expanding to inhabit every square inch of space beneath the tree.
By tomorrow morning, they’ll have spread beyond the tree skirt — but we have a bit of unanticipated space there, because today, I’m removing a couple that have been there for a week. Before I lose my courage, I’ll pull them out, tear off and throw away the festive wrappings and bows, and match them up with their receipts so I can return them next week.
They are labeled “Mom”.
No, there’s nothing wrong with my mother — at least not in the physical sense. She’s merely decided that she no longer wants to spend Christmas with us, nor does she want to exchange gifts (although she’s planning to “drop off” something for Adorable Child (AC), maybe around New Year’s).
She’s “uncomfortable” in my home, she says, because we have a tree, and gifts, and love, but we’re not Christian, and to her, that means we have no right to the holiday. After many years of family gatherings and happy memories in my home, she’s now offended by us.
I wish she, and all who judge like this, could have been at my house Friday night, when the spirit of the season stood singing on my porch. It doesn’t have to be this way.
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16 Responses to “Is Christmas just for Christians?”
Polimom- we celebrate Christmas in my house with a 1/2 Jewish mother, a fully Jewish father and a 3/4 daughter. We light the menorah on the fireplace and hang stockings underneath it. My daughter and my husband say the prayers and light the candles in the menorah. We pick out a live tree on a cold winter night, and traditionally, my husband gets grumpy if we have to go to more than one lot to get the perfect one for us.
So, no, Christmas is not just for Christians- it means peace on earth, good will to our neighbors and friends. Who would hold such a sentiment hostage to one religion???
BTW, we had lavish Christmases during my childhood- so I would be lost without them. I am the only one in our house who believes Christ is the son of God.
Enjoy your holiday as you see fit. My mother-in-law probably doesn’t approve of our Christmas celebration-we only get Hanukkah cards from their side. I don’t let that stand in the way of our celebration or my joy in the season.
I hesitate to opine in complicated family affairs, and not being a Christian myself maybe I’m wrong but…isn’t it a little un-Christian to sit in judgment like that? I can’t help but think that that sort of “punishment” can do nothing but chase someone further AWAY from Christianity, not towards it. In any case, it’s my understanding that faith can’t be forced, you have it or you don’t.
Christmas has become very secular all by itself. The supposed birth of Christ (which many think happened no where near this time of year anyway) is almost incidental, especially in the US. In Spain nativity scenes are still the traditional decorations (more than the tree) and children get gifts from the three wise men, not Santa Claus.
Knowing a little about the history of Christmas I can’t help but find this a little humorous. It’s always been an extremely minor holiday — religiously speaking — that was created basically because people were going to have winter festivals anyway and they wanted a Christian alternative to the pagan meanings. Almost all of the imagery and dates are taken from various winter celebrations.
Like the article points out, this fact wasn’t lost on the more scripture oriented Protestants, who banned Christmas on and off and made it so it was non-existent in early America. The reemergence of Christmas is almost entirely cultural instead of religious.
Hmmm – what kind of cookies does Santa like?
As a Jew, I do not celebrate Christmas. 40 years ago our friends the D_____ would come over during Hanukkah and watch us light candles and then we would go to their house to see their Christmas tree.
Whn I’m in a good mood I can politely handle the seemingly-endless Merry-Christmasing, when I’m in a surly mood I respond negatively.
Christmas is a boring day when almost everything’s closed and my friends can’t come out and play.
Polimom, I’m sorry that your mother had some sort of religious awakening which makes it impossible to visit her children and grandchildren.
I think that Christmas is for ‘shoppers.’ However, despite this, I’m all for tapping in to whatever makes it work for a particular family.
Soon after we arrived in the States I came across ‘Unplug the Christmas Machine’ [an American classic?] but it certainly helps people analyse what they are doing and why [especially good for the ‘left out in the cold’ males – sort of individually tailor your ‘holiday’ to what is meaningful for you. Seasonal greetings, may your God, ‘fairy,’ or significant ‘talisman’ go with you.
Moms will be moms. There is no point in being serious/rational in such a situation. As elders grow in age they become more like children…’adamant. funny, strange, irrational’. It is for the younger folks to become tolerant…and learn to enjoy and compromise…It’s a cyclic order of things in life…
Ah, Swaraaj — excellent advice. Very hard for me, I’m afraid…
Thank you, all, for the feedback and support. This was a hard post to write, largely because of the obviously personal nature, but for another reason, too.
Many people in my part of the country are extremely conservative and religious; the “war on Christmas” is taken very seriously. While this impacted my family directly, the resentment that she manifested isn’t all that uncommon here.
Conversations about “Merry Christmas”, for instance, vs. “Happy Holidays” often don’t take place in a neutral tone of voice; there’s some real heat behind them.
I worry about such intensity and intolerance, not just for myself, but for our society.
I thought all Jews went to the movies and then ate Chinese on Christmas, right?
I am neither a cannibal nor a big movie fan!
Polimom,
I am curious as to what the war on christmas crowd says when it is explained to them that happy holidays is not meant as an attack on christianity but only an attempt not to assume that everyone is christian and not to exclude Jews. If they were Jewish wouldn’t they prefer to be greeted with “happy holidays” if their interlocutor didn’t know them, rather than everyone always assuming they were Christian?
I think it’s PC run-amok to demand that people use happy holidays in ambiguous situations, but I do think it’s the more thoughtful choice.
Besides, couldn’t it be argued that it would be preferable for stores, etc. NOT to use merry christmas because Christ should not be exploited for commercial purposes — you cannot serve both God and Mammon. And did not Jesus say his kingdom is not of this world? Isn’t it better to keep Christ out of politics and commercial activity so as to not compromise one’s religious purity?
So, I’m not sure I understand their logic.
A good friend of mine is Jewish, and used to teach preschool She always got tons of Christmas paraphernalia during the holidays, because people assumed she was Christian. I could see where it would get insulting after a while.
I noticed that the NFL today used “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays” – I guess they wanted to please everyone.
What is really more annoying is those who think Hanukkah is the Jewish Christmas and don’t realize that it’s a minor holiday.
I am sorry this happened to your family. Two years ago, I was in a hospital room with my sister, keeping a watch over my own mother. Earlier in the month, she had gotten the holiday ‘gift’ she didn’t want: the doctor told her that the cancer, which everyone thought was gone, had returned – and there was nothing he could do to make it go away. Needless to say, Christmas that year wasn’t very merry at all. Even having snow on the ground that morning didn’t do very much to cheer things up (though, when I showed her the picture of her church with snow on the roof, she did respond briefly.
Unfortunately, in the kind of situation you are facing there are no winners – everyone loses. Mother, daughter, even (and maybe especially) AC – everyone comes out missing something that they should have gotten. And I am not talking about presents – I am taking about presence. What too many who call themselves “Christian” fail to realize is that Christianity isn’t about using the right words, or having the right ‘family values’ – it is about a special relationship with the Creator, one which we are commended to spread to our fellow human beings, not via the sword (or the equally sharp tongue), but by living the relationship – by loving our fellow man. Probably the hardest thing to do, but then no one said it was gonna be easy!
BTW, Merry Christmas | Happy Hanukkah | Pleasant Solstice | Blessed Kwanzaa | Happy Holidays to everyone!
~EdT.
@eusto: I don’t claim to understand ‘their’ logic, either. My take on the ‘War on Christmas’ is that in fact it is those people/groups/organizations/whatever which actively prohibit people from referring to Christ (or things Christmas) during this season. If someone prefers (for whatever reason) to use “happy holidays”, or to refer to one of the other seasonal holidays (Solstice, Kwanzaa, Hannukah), that isn’t part of any ‘war’ AFAIK (though some may see it as such.) As such, your statement
is absolutely fine with me, so long as you apply it to yourself. When you (or anyone else) starts deciding that this is the greeting that will be used when talking to others, to the exclusion of anything else – well, I do have a bit of a problem with that. And, if you are a business, while you are certainly free to inflict such a ruling on those who you pay to work for you, I am perfectly free to take my business elsewhere – and to encourage everyone I meet to do likewise.
BTW, Merry Christmas | Happy Hanukkah | Pleasant Solstice | Blessed Kwanzaa | Happy Holidays to everyone!
~EdT.
Before the comments close out on this post, I want to thank y’all. The holidays can (and usually are) filled with excitement, goodwill, and a general peace and beauty of the spirit. When things go awry, though, they can be very distressing emotionally.
Your feedback here was a great help.