Democrat, Republican Or Southerner
All in good fun of course:
H/t to Interested.
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a HK .45 cal pistol and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
…………………………………………………………
Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
……………………………………………………
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
……………………………………………………
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one!”
Wife: “You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!
48 Responses to “Democrat, Republican Or Southerner”
My goodness, is this how you actually see it? That you’re subject to personal attack on the street of your hometown?
See how tough on Islamic terrorism Republicans are in your fantasy! And how wimpy Democrats are!
Let’s suspend habeus corpus in reality!
Note: This comment has been all in good fun.
Wow..
Looks like someone gets idiotic emails.
So the question is really, are you a democrat, republican, southerner, or naive dutchman?
Me, I’m a southern democrat. And I don’t have nightmares about radical islamists accosting me on the streets of my hometown.
Get a sense of humor Davebo.
My uncle, who is a fervent socialist, or at least quite far left of center, once told me that ‘rightists’ are the most pleasant people to hang around with: good sense of humor, with a light view on life. Leftists, on the other hand he said, are always serious and not able to recognize a joke when it’s jumping, naked except for a cap on its head, up and down before them.
Seems to be right about that.
According to the Oxford Concise Dictionary the word “fun” means: “light hearted pleasure or amusement, playfulness or good humour”.
“Fun” should remain “fun” within limits.
More stupid propaganda from the Dutch guy. About half the yee-haw indbred red-necks in Houston are from somewhere north of the Mason-Dixon line, and just play an inbred cracker in real life.
And after their wonderfull little pretend shoot-em up, don’t forget that the Republicans and the southerners can get together and tag team little Cathy-Sue and Jimmy-Lee!
And I’m sure all the veterans that are Democrats would love to discuss with you your clever little insinution that they are cowards.
While yo are sticking your head firmly up your butt, why dont you tell us your favorite LGF inspired negro jokes or fag jokes.
All in good fun of course.
To all who commented in line with Davebo’s comment, I repeat:
Swaraaj, I am glad to see that you seem to have found the Oxford Concise Dictionary.
Snarky: well I know a terrific joke about a Muslim who dies and goes to heaven. Knowing you, though, you would get your panties up in a bunch when I would publish it, since you seem to be dedicated to preserving political correctness, not being able to laugh about something / someone. Well, as long as it is not about conservatives / Bush, that is.
Michael, all of your post today sound like a man strangling in his own vomit. You and your facist friends are done, finished, gone and thank God. I still think you are a republican stooge from some republican office pretending to be Dutch. I live in europe and I can tell you most of my friends from Holland would never agree with your repulsive retoric. Go back to the rock you crawled from under and don’t give me the BS of moderate thinking and moderate status quo, that is the crap that got us into this mess we are in.
Oh fer cryin out loud people, lighten the hell up. Everyone hates political correctness, until they’re pet group/issue gets touched.
As jokes go, not great but good. Being left-of-center myself I enjoyed the southerner description better, but would understand a right-of-center person enjoying the dem part better (though I’d make it more dramatic yet, adding “well maybe it’s just a cultural expression” “who am I to question his judgment?” and the like).
As for a projection of actual reality, I believe most people would, or like to think they would, react like “the republican”, including myself.
Knowing you, though, you would get your panties up in a bunch when I would publish it, since you seem to be dedicated to preserving political correctness, not being able to laugh about something / someone.
And you seem to be dedicated to pushing the meme that Democrats=weaklings /Conservitaves=manly men.
And since I am watching my country descend into a third rate Bannana-Republic because of this incorrect frame job, you’ll have to excuse my lack of humor.
I spent a lot of time in Holland, and you are lucky to live in such a free and tolerant society. So this kind of humor might be funny to you, but not so much over here.
Speaking of PC, why did you not laugh uproarisly over my depiction of Red-necks and Republicans as pedofiles and incestous? Seemed pretty funny to me! I mean goose and gander and all that, huh old chap?
Why o why won’t those silly Negros learn to laugh at those black jokes Trent Lott loves to tell? Gays should just suck it up and learn to embrace fag jokes!
See where I am going with this? I eprdict you are going to get nothing but grief over this post, so it probalby will piss off more than just me.
But once again, you publish the latest thinking over at Green Snotballs, so you are doing us a public service.
Carry on.
Lynx: I enjoyed both very much. A charicature of both. Seemingly, some people have trouble laughing at prejudice(s).
Sarum: I really do not care about what you think and what you do not think. You show yourself to be, quite honestly, completely stupid, ignorant and a conspiracy theorist.
Well, good for you that you know some Dutchmen, I know Dutch that would both agree and disagree with me. Strange huh how not all the people of a country are the same?
As seems to become normal here, I am leaving this comment up, just so people can read how ridiculous you and alikes are.
“You might be a Republican if tasering an Arab gives you a woody”
“You might be a right winger if you think a family re-union is a great place to find a date.”
“You might be a conservative if you think beating your head on a wall untill your brains ooze out is a sane foreign policy”
“You might be a Republican if instead of bookmarking, you like to bend-over the page”
Feel free to add your own since this is a smear the oppositon thread.
All in good fun of course.
It’s a joke people! Lighten up!
Sort of like How many Dutchman does it take to stop the Nazi Army? We don’t know, it’s never happened.
Or how do you put 100 Dutchmen in a Volkswagon?
Put them in the ashtray.
Get a grip folks, it’s humor!
Or better yet, how many Morrocans does it take to ruin Amsterdam?
No one, they have already ruined it.
LOL true. Reminds me of that joke about France:
“how many troops does it take to defend Paris? We don’t know, it has never been tried”.
See, that’s funny Davebo. That’s called laughing about something. That’s what humor sometimes is. Yes, humor sometimes means making fun of yourself or of others. Yes. Terrible, just terrible isn’t it?
Here is one for you:
“what is the latest invention of Belgium?”
Answer:
“an airport with a roof on it”
(yes, it is making fun of perceived stupidity)
Snarky, some of them were, indeed, funny. Weird huh? How some people are able to laugh about their friends / themselves? It is something all of you are missing.
Irony, the magic word.
It is something all of you are missing.
Yep, you are right. We are missing our humor. We are missing our wonderfull country that we had before craven bed-wetting wingnuts screwed it up. Its only a couple of days, but I am missing Habus corpus and all those other things the constitution granted us.
Yeah, were missing our humor, and so much more. Thanks for all you have done to help us remember how much we miss.
In light of the Allen conterversy about the N word I guess you could replace Arab with Black, laugh now. If your an Arab living on the West Bank you would replace Arab with Jew, are we laughing now?
Wow, the Dutch will roll over for just about anything: Nazis, Muslims, and Republicans!
Ha ha!
That is SOOOOOO funny.
I’m glad we have brave culture warriors like MvdG to protect us. He’s like the NATO attache to the 101st Keyboard Commandos.
While I tend to agree with Lenny Bruce who said
The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them, this joke is about as funny as a Karl Rove speech. The person who wrote this was more concerned with making a point than being funny. This is to humor what pornography is to romance. It’s ok if it gets you off and it doesn’t offend me, but it displays a lazy lack of imagination. Explain what’s funny about the Republican response? Why does a wimpy Dem carry a gun? And how does a Dutch film-maker on a bike react? My mom forwards emails like this to me all the time. It’s annoying, but she’s my mom.
On a more serious note, Michael, have you read the new book about Theo Van Gogh’s murder? I heard the author interviewed and it sounded most interesting.
OOC: no I have not read it.. yet.
This seems like a good time for a little deconstruction. Take my left-wing perspective into account as you think appropriate.
This joke qualifies as a partisan joke. Can still be funny, but the partisans who tell it are being disingenuous if they claim this is just plain ol’ humor.
The humor comes from the notions that southerners REALLY like guns, and democrats REALLY care about political correctness and some other silly things.
The part where the democrat seems willing to have his family killed on behalf of his silly notions puts an edge on the humor. (The preceding statement, by the way, is a mild attempt at humor itself, albeit of a different sort from that in the post. Did you laugh? If not, why not?)
Humor with an edge to it needs to be sharp in order to work. But most of the joke’s sharpness is vitiated by how long it goes on with the democrat’s dithering. After a while, it’s inescapable that making people laugh is on the periphery of the teller’s agenda, a point brought very clearly home when all that happens with the gooper is BANG.
Under the circumstances, it’s expecting a lot for the teller’s partisan opponents to laugh at this bit.
But the teller insists that you should laugh, because it’s HUMOR, dammit! What’s up with that? Is castigating non-laughers for their non-laughter part of the joke? Or something else?
(end of deconstruction)
Michael, I would grant your uncle a point in the realm of discussing politics. Rightwingers are more likely to make jokes. But they’re also more likely to make an issue about who laughs at the jokes.
Leftwingers take politics more seriously. Rightwingers consider it more of a game. Leftwingers ponder endlessly over issues. Rightwingers claim deeply held principles that they never think about.
I’d say, in the real world, politics is indeed quite game-like, and leftwingers often don’t get it. I worry a lot more about that than about leftwingers being wet blankets when righties are lightening things up with their brand of humor, although, come to think of it, being wet blankets is probably a part of the game that they’re not getting.
“The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.”
—James Thurber (1894 – 1961)
“Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.”
—John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 – 2006)
“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”
—Robert Benchley (1889 – 1945)
“It never seems to occur to some people, that, like beauty, a sense of humor may sometimes be fatal.”
—Edgar Rice Burroghs
“True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.”
—Thomas Carlyle
“If the blood humor is too strong and robust, calm it with balance and harmony.”
—Xun Zi
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
- E.B. White
jjc – How do you square your comments with the fact that there really aren’t any funny right wing comics? (As soon as Dennis Miller went conservative, he ceased being funny.)
Almost every comic is liberal or liberal/libertarian. The so-called ‘redneck’ comics like Foxworthy are really cultural commentators and fairly non-political.
What the right thinks of as ‘jokes’ are really just insults. They do laugh at such things, but they’re not in any sense funny.
MvdG says:
Swaraaj, I am glad to see that you seem to have found the Oxford Concise Dictionary.
Your immaturity shows with your snarky comment towards your coblogger. When your writings and resume match SC, I doubt that you will respond as you did. SC is an independent non biased view, you are from the pro-Israel Chickenhawk VD Hanson crowd(snark). Maybe you should take some time off from your keyboard and report on the ME like Woodruff and Weiskopf, instead of the VD Hanson way.
Is Sarum really SalM in diguise?
And dont forget, Ann Coulter is just being funny when she pines for the executions of liberals.
And no one thinks he’s more cutesy than Rush Limp-bo. We liberals should lighten up and learn to laugh more.
That will help us pass the times in the camp untill its our turn for a “shower”.
A lot of this its a joke seems to be stateted shortly after some Con has crossed yet another line. Then its not a case of “he went to far”, but a case of ”
Liberals are just too uptight”
Convinient no?
Andrew true, most comedians are liberals, but most jokes aren’t anti-conservative or pro-liberal. Plenty of jokes poke fun at liberal views or stereotypes. Generally speaking it’s not considered “polite” to to make jokes about a group to which you don’t belong. Chris Rock (a moderate, to judge from his act) can say “There are two types; there’s black people and there’s niggers…the niggers have got to go” but Jeff Foxworthy can’t. Jeff Foxworthy (who is conservative) can talk about rednecks and incest but Seinfeld wouldn’t. Jon Stewart can make fun of jews, even brutally so, but a non-jewish comedian can’t. I still think people get too offended, too easily. There are jokes that touch subjects I’m senstive about and I don’t like them, but I laugh at jokes other people would find highly offensive. That’s life, I’d rather get angry over the, oh say, billion other more important things wrong with the world and then worry about the jokes.
I’d rather get angry over the, oh say, billion other more important things wrong with the world and then worry about the jokes.
I dont care about the joke allthough it was fairly lame.
I care about the poisonous meme carried within. Humor(even lame humor) can be the coating on the poisen pill. Long after the chuckels are gone, the re-enforcement for Karls favorite sell-job remains.
I think SnarkyShark is right. Not just about the joke being lame–which it is–but about the view of the world it indicates.
Is this how you really see it? That you’re subject to attack by a terrorist in your own homwtown? That only Republicans can save you? And Southern Republicans at that?
Those are serious questions and I hope you’ll answer them. But this thread is supposed to be funny, so here’s a joke:
Guy walks into a bar.
{Pause.}
It hurt!
It’s all in the timing.
Thats so funny I’m sure your average Redneck/Repuglican doesn’t know the difference between a Pakistani and an Indian Sihk. After 9/11 some knuckle-draggers(Republican/Southener) did this.
Lott says they look alike Ayrab-Sihk
Confronting racial violence: Sikh Americans have been targeted for harassment and attack more than any group since 9/11. Jaideep Singh explains how race, religion, and distorted media representation have resulted in deadly consequences – To the Point
I’m more offended by how weak the joke is, than anythng else.
The joke is funny in a ChickenHawk way, however I like the irony of the Republican candidate Roskam telling double amputee Tammy Duckworth (Democrat -coward) that Democrats are the “cut and run” party.
Maybe Roskam should have accused her of “cutting and crawling” or “cutting and wheeling(chair)” or…. This is hilarious – cut and crawl.
Michael maybe you could forward your humourous joke to cowards like Duckworth, Webb and Sestak, they will laugh as hard as Rove and Cheney.
I’m more offended by the viciousness in these comments than anything else. I get these sort of jokes sent to me from my southern Republican father all the time (I guess I’m the southern Democratic son) and usually they are mildly amusing, when I’m lucky, or just annoying and frustrating. But my usual response is not to send an email back to my dad cursing everything about him and telling him he’s destroyed my nation. I came on here to continue the discussion with Micheal about Muslims and the role of violence in religion in a differnt thread. But after reading this huge over-reaction here, I think I’m just going to give it a rest.
Andrew:
I don’t. Most joke-telling is done by people who are at best amateur comics, which isn’t to say that they aren’t sometimes better than jokes told by the professionals.
One comic who seems to have gotten hot lately is Carlos Mencia. I laugh at a lot of his stuff, even though he’s definitely not a liberal.
In any case, my comments are almost entirely impressionistic, so who knows whether they would stand up empirically. They were motivated in no small part by my attempting to account for why leftwingers have difficulty getting traction even within the political party that allegedly reflects their interests.
I’d say university professors are more leftwing as a group than comics are. Likewise artists and writers. These are people who tend to set themselves apart and in one way or another question conventional wisdom.
Rightwingers like to make fun of these people, and it’s often politically effective.
pacatrue I’m more offended by the viciousness in these comments than anything else.
But this, too, is an overreaction. I think you could make this argument about perhaps three comments. (Just throwing this out there, betting no one really wants to make an issue of how many or how vicious)
Beyond that you’re reading viciousness into something that’s mostly a matter of someone reacting to feeling like their chain was pulled.
Do you frequent politically oriented blogs? Maybe something you personally would be better off without if this sort of thing turns you off.
But this, too, is an overreaction.
jjc nails it.
I thought the joke owuld have been funny if the liberal would have said maybe one thing, like “how about some therapy for that anger management issue?”
Instead we get a long litany of distinctly unfunny suppossed liberal charactor flaws.
Also the Republicans reaction would be more likely “we need to invade Shelbyville”
This could have been a funny joke if it wasn’t so obviously written to get all the lGFers bobbing their head in unison about how true it all is.
But anything that might have remotely poked fun at the Republicans would have gotton the jokester banned.
So that has to be considered.
Fellow Lefties take heart! Read the “joke” the way I did: When the Republican goes “BANG!” it’s because he has shot himself in the foot.
When the Republican goes “BANG!” it’s because he has shot himself in the foot.
Or his friend in the face!
jjc, I largely agree with your suggestion that I would not like reading many political blogs if I don’t like personal attacks on people. You are right. I find reading such things a waste of time and I don’t frequent very many political blogs because of it. When I do, I read the main articles and ignore the comments, since they don’t add anything. One of the reasons I do come here is that by and large the comments veer towards being productive. And, yes, there are only a few of the comments in this thread that are hate-filled, and it is those to which I was reacting. I disagree with MichaelvdG most of the time myself, but I didn’t feel a desire to be associated with a couple of the comments above today. I am not at all against people criticizing the joke. It was the manner which I objected to.
To actually discuss the matter at hand, jokes such as these remind me of a recent bit on The Daily Show about the use of question marks as sub-titles on cable news bits. They put the craziest things in the title and then put a question mark after it, so that it’s not a claim, just an innocent question. Titles like: “Do Democrats want to Lose?”; “Is the world ending?” “Is President Bush the best president ever?” are appeared. They’d never appear as statements, but they can appear freely as questions. But of course those are not neutral questions like, “Is your mom a whore?” isn’t a neutral question and you aren’t innocent just because you stick a question mark at the end. – That’s Stewart’s comedy bit.
Sort of the same thing with jokes like this one (and the ones I get from my dad). They are presented as jokes and since they are jokes, you are not supposed to criticize. But of course the jokes only work if you assume a whole lot of stuff that isn’t innocent.
When I do, I read the main articles and ignore the comments, since they don’t add anything.
I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I often do the opposite. I comment here rather than the left-wing blogs I used to because you can actually get a real argument going, and I think it’s as close to civilized at TMV as you’ll get.
I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I often do the opposite. I comment here rather than the left-wing blogs I used to because you can actually get a real argument going, and I think it’s as close to civilized at TMV as you’ll get.
Thats the same road I am on. Except of course, you are way more polite. But we left wing rabid sheep dripping with venom do have a reputation to live up to.
Or down to, whatever the case may be.
I think we actually agree on this, kind of, jjc. I stopped reading partisan blogs mostly because I either already agreed, and therefore learned nothing, or the comments were so over the top that there was no discussion. But I do read comments here on TMV, which is why we are engaged right now. So on a good partisan blog, I read the main post as it is more likely to have an argument, while the comments are not, and on TMV, I read both.
I found the joke quite funny myself. It actually is very clever making fun of all three groups.
First the one commented on already, that the Democrat is portrayed as indecisive, he thinks about all the possible implications of the situation to the point of absurdity. Yet he shows a bravery as well willing to sacrifice himself for his wife and children in one of his thoughts.
Second the Republican is portrayed as decisive but non-thinking, he just lashes out with deadly force without considering any implications. There is no moral conscience portrayed here.
Third the Southerner is portrayed as looking for an excuse to shoot. The response of his wife and kids are indicative of certain southern stereotypes.
Wonder if this news story had any connection to the joke?
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2512737
Anyhow, so if you don’t look at the joke closely enough it seems quite partisan, but when you look closer it actually presents a quite different picture whether it was intended to or not. If it was a partisan joke it wasn’t very clever after all since it makes the Republican look just as bad as the Democrat if not worse. If it was intended to be mocking all of them it was brilliant.
Chuut: I was not willing to explain that myself to everyone, but I agree completely with your explanation and as far as I know, the intention of the one who made it up was, indeed, to make fun of all groups.
Indeed, quite a few couldn’t see past the partisan of their own beliefs to notice. Made the whole thing even funnier – if predictable.
Since I am a Southern Democrat, I must tell you a few things about us.
Southern Democrats:
- Have a really raucus sense of humor (unlike big-city Democrats), and
- Are much more decisive than other Democrats
A Southern Democrat’s reaction to your scenario would be more like:
- Do I really have to shoot this guy?
- Yup! BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
- Did that stop him?
- Oops, he moved. BANG BANG BANG BANG
- Now, dear you can call 911.
For those with no sense of humor, STFU.
lmao
MVDG, your obvious contempt for Southerners is showing!
The HK USP .45 holds only 8 rounds, not 9. While a Southerner is quite likely to carry with a round chambered and a full magazine, thereby giving 9 shots, there is no way any self respecting Southerner would, upon reloading, chamber a round, then replace the magazine just to put an extra shot into an attacker. The cost in time is just too great. Your scenario of 9 shots in the second volley was completely unrealistic and offensive to my Southern sensibilities.
Also, no self-respecting Southerner would rely upon silver tips in a situation requiring stopping power. Hollow points or, in a pinch, wad cutters!
interested
Indeed, quite a few couldn’t see past the partisan of their own beliefs to notice. Made the whole thing even funnier – if predictable.
Ouch!
Maybe I’ve got more gooper in me than I realized. If the guy is charging at you and will be hacking away in seconds, what else are you supposed to do but shoot? If the gooper did the only thing he could have, what’s funny about that?
C’mon, the joke needed the gooper to say SOMETHING!
Actually the gooper saying nothing is what makes it funny, like I said above, its the shoot first and ask questions later attitude that is being mocked. The Goopers are being laughed at for just this attitude.